


Star-Crossed

by CainWolfbane



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Alien AU, F/F, Gen, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Limbs, Parasite - Freeform, Shapeshifting, Thank You!, aliens doing gross alien stuff, but I don't have a pun for that, except bi, extrabirestrial!, gaylien, i guess, love my commenters, regeneration of limbs, single use of the f word
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 33,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CainWolfbane/pseuds/CainWolfbane
Summary: "I've been to a planet full of alien parasites that reanimate corpses to pilot around as hosts, and I've been to a planet that's alive and made of teeth, but Earth? That's apparently the scary one."
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda, Luz Noceda/Willow
Comments: 352
Kudos: 579
Collections: Eda and Luz are family, Lumity





	1. An alien learns about Earth (prologue)

This planet _may_ be hostile.

  
One of the terrain ships the locals pilot makes a screeching noise as it turns, I'm not sure if that's an attempt at communication or if they just like loud noise. The vehicle is black and vaguely cube-shaped, aside for the circles it perches on.

  
I run as fast as I can, clamoring up a small cliff in the hopes of escape. I glance back to see the vehicle making it's way up, it's slower but it's still quick fast. I keep moving, I head for some odd formations in the hopes of being able to hide among them. As I get close I see the formations don't seem to be natural, I may have stumbled into a civilization for the same things that are chasing me. The ground beneath me seems to change from sand and dirt to rock, weird unnatural rock. Did the local species add a long straight layer of rock to a desert? It's a dark grey too, if their sun was up then if would heat up immensely and burn my feet... Perhaps it is a defense?

  
I run along this long grey strip of rock past some local... hives? They seem to have a lot of harsh angles but I have little time to focus on them as one of the vehicles moves in front of me and I have to stop. The machine opens up to reveal a creature with some kind of tube. It fires out something than ensnares me and they throw me into their ship.

I've been abducted by aliens... Well I suppose _I'm_ technically the alien on this planet. Technicalities aside all I could do was watch the aliens make loud noises at each other.

  
"You can't just throw it like a sack of potatoes you buffoon! This is our first contact!"

  
"Well we can't just take our sweet time when this thing sprints through a residential neighborhood, someone could have seen it!"

  
"It's 2:30 in the morning, nobody's awake."

  
"It's a glowing blue alien, someone's gonna notice if we aren't careful."

  
"Careful is what I'm asking _you_ to be."

  
The ship seems to suddenly veer in one direction hard, sending me into a wall.

  
"Stop driving like a damn maniac! You could damage the specimen." The creature reached towards me but the other held it back.

  
"That thing could hurt you, or carry weird alien diseases."

  
"I need to make sure it's ok, even if _I_ get hurt our first alien contact is more important than one person."

  
The noises seem to be communication, ok noise-based communication shouldn't be too difficult. The creature reaches out and touches me, despite their slow deliberate movements I flinch. Then the creature makes white noise at me for some reason.

  
"Shhh shhh, it's ok, I'm not going to hurt you."

  
"It can't understand you."

  
"You don't know that."

  
I reach up and grab the creature's wrist.

  
"It's attacking!"

  
"Wrath calm down, I don't think it's being aggressive."

  
I can feel the creature's brain, _her_ brain, she's a woman called Lilith Clawthorne. I focus on the language centers. I don't need to invade her privacy, I just need to communicate.  
After a moment I think I have the correct sequence of words. "Please don't hurt me."

  
"...Did that thing just talk? In plain English?" Wrath asked incredulously. "Like not even in Russian or any other of the thousands of languages on Earth but actual god damn _English?_ "

  
"Can you understand us?" Lilith spoke slowly.

  
"I can now, I absorbed your words."

  
"Absorbed?"

  
"Not like removed, but copied? I saw your brain through touch."

  
Lilith's eyes drifted down to her wrist and yanked it away in alarm. "You read my mind?"

  
"Just language centers and your name Lilith, private thoughts are private."

  
"This thing is creepy, and potentially very dangerous if it can just read minds with a touch. We should-" Wrath started to speak but Lilith shushed him.

  
"It speaks our language now Wrath, don't say anything stupid." Lilith spoke quietly through clenched teeth.

  
"Can the..." I paused for a moment to try and figure out what to say. Knowing the words and applying them coherently are very different things. "...rope cage be removed?"

  
"The net." Lilith gently corrected.

  
"Net sounds correct, so can it be gone?" I asked.

  
"We really need to take precautions so you don't hurt us."

  
"I was running from you, I think you don't understand predator behavior."

  
"We'll let you out of the net soon okay?"

  
"What about small pet?"

  
"Pet?"

  
"He is also in net." I turn my head to show a tiny parasitic worm sitting on my neck.

  
"What is that!?"

  
"He stays on me when he doesn't have dead thing to stay on."

  
"Wrath call E.C., tell them we've got a second alien specimen." Lilith ordered her partner, he turned away and removed a face covering before he started talking quietly into a device. Lilith turned back to us. "So you just keep that latched onto your neck? Doesn't that hurt?"

  
"No, he just hangs there. If he digs into a living thing too hard then he can get damaged when pulled off, see broken horn?" I pointed at the little guy and Lilith leaned in as close as she dared. "He burrows into dead things, but one time he only thought something was dead, it yanked him off and now his horn is broke."

  
"He _thought_ something was dead? Is he sapient?"

  
"Of course."

  
"You keep intelligent creatures as pets?"

  
"Is pet wrong word? Maybe companion? He keeps me company on long space travels but doesn't help any other way. He isn't something I keep against his will.

  
"So why keep him on your neck?"

  
"It's safe, and we can communicate this way. He can connect to my mind like I connected to yours, he's absorbing your language from me."

  
"Fascinating."

  
Wrath finished his communication and put his face cover back on before turning back. "Ok, they'll be ready for us when we arrive."

  
"Good, we have the discovery of a lifetime on our hands."

  
The vehicle... _the van_ as I now know it's called, ceased movement.

  
"We've arrived."

  
"What have we arrived to?" I asked curiously.

  
"Empyrean Containment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my new fic, it's an alien au for The Owl House. I guess it's technically also a human au since it isn't taking place in the Boiling Isles, I'll tag for both just in case. Updates will happen every Monday.


	2. An alien learns about Science

A few months later.

  
"So Lilith..." I began.

  
"That's _Doctor_ Lilith Clawthorne." Lilith said, this had become something of a standard exchange between us.

  
"That's a lot to say every time I want to say something." I said playfully.

  
"You typically don't have a problem with talking a lot." Lilith's eyes rotated right and rolled upwards before returning to standard position.

  
"To be fair human names are weird, normally if someone wants to address me they just..." I glow blue, then change to yellow.

  
Lilith scribbles something on her important science papers while muttering under her breath. "Subject displaying metachrosis as communication method." She looked back at me. "How about just Doctor Clawthorne?"

  
"Can I call you Doc like the light square in the break room? What's up doc?" I mimicked the voice of Bugs Bunny.

  
"Subject can mimic voices perfectly." Lilith wrote more things on her clipboard before glancing back at me. "You know you're not allowed in the break room anymore."

  
"In my defense it has a very misleading name."

  
"I'm sure."

  
I tilted my head inquisitively. "Do you have a word name for me since you don't glow?"

  
"Your file has you listed as Luminescent Zygodactyl."

  
"Why are humans like this?"

  
Lilith ignored the question. "So how does your species communicate more complex ideas? I doubt blue and yellow is enough info to build a spaceship."

  
"Well of course not, that's just my name... and I guess emotions? Colors are emotions sometimes." I explained. "Blue means happy, yellow means nervous, orange means really mad... There are a few colors I can't find human words for, maybe your eye cones don't have the right range?"

  
Lilith wrote more things down. "Please answer the question."

  
I hold out my hand and project an image on the wall through my... hand circle. I don't think humans have a word for it, or if they do it wasn't in Lilith's regular vocabulary. It's a circle that I project focused light through... A projector? The word seems to have mechanical origins but it works.

  
"What is that?"

  
"It is a replication of the human cartoon I saw projected from my memory, Bugs Bunny is in a heated debate where he insists it's duck season, the consequence for failure is facial explosion."

  
Lilith made an amused scoff before returning to her stoic demeanor. "It looks a little blurry."

  
"I only saw it the one time, I could project it directly into your head if you like?"

  
"No thank you, I think we're done for today. This has been very informative."

  
It then occurred to me that I never completed my initial statement, it got rather sidetracked once I used Lilith's name without 'doctor' as a preface. "So _Doctor_ Lilith Clawthorne..." I emphasized the title, drawing a small smile from her. "Can we see King?" I requested, 'King' being the human designation for my parasite friend.

  
"He's still in testing."

  
"Pleeeaaase?" I find humans are more receptive to politeness words if you make them longer. I wonder if that works for other words?

  
"I... suppose it would be alright if we stay in the observation room if you can remain quiet and not disrupt anything." Lilith relented.

  
"Yessss!" I hopped around excitedly.

  
Lilith gently pinched the bridge of her nose and furrowed her eyebrows. "I'm already regretting this."

  
I guess it's just politeness words that function better when long.

  
I followed Lilith down the hall. "So how come King gets a pleasant sounding name?"

  
"After learning our language he was quick to insist that he was the equivalent to a King among his species."

  
"And you believe him." I said in deadpan to imply that the concept of taking King at face value was silly. Human communication is not only about the words used but the pitch and tone, it's very complicated.

  
Lilith snorted. "Not even a little but he's more cooperative when we go along with it."

  
"What I'm hearing is that I need to be more obnoxious if I want anything."

  
"We're already going to the observation room per your request, unless you'd prefer to go back to your room?"

  
"No..." I grumbled.

  
"I deal with Wrath on a daily basis, I can handle obnoxious."

  
"He seems more scary than obnoxious, I saw him punch a hole in the wall once."

  
"Damn it, we were wondering about that." Lilith shook her head disapprovingly. "I'll deal with that later, thank you for telling me."

  
Lilith held open the door to the observation room and I ran over to the glass and placed my hands on it as I eagerly looked in. Lilith calmly took one of the seats nearby. "It's a good thing you don't leave fingerprints but could you get off the glass and sit down?"

  
I sit down next to Lilith, glowing green with excitement.

  
"I'm glad we tested you for radioactivity first, otherwise this would be concerning." Lilith said, staring at me without turning her head.

  
A voice came through the speaker. "Initiating test 73, lab rat. Cause of death electrocution, decay at 85%"

  
I watched through the window as King was carefully placed on the rat corpse, he burrowed himself in and after a moment it started spasming and rose to its feet. Its glazed over eyes blinked once, the iris turned maroon, twice, the whites grew yellow. Then he squealed indignantly. "This thing is already rotted! Don't you guys have anything fresher? This vessel is entirely unsuitable for a king such as myself."

  
"We're testing your capabilities, we'd like to know how much you can still use." The scientist tending King explained.

  
King scoffed. "Well I am impressive and capable of a great many things... Very well! I shall humor this for now, but next time I want something venomous, with extraal-" King's jaw fell off before he could finish.

  
"Thank god for that, maybe we should start loosening the jaws of those things on purpose..." Lilith laughed, an unusual sound among humans but it's one of the nicer ones.

  
I try laughing myself. "Gross... Do you think he could talk with just a disembodied head?"

  
Lilith seems surprised when I laugh and perhaps a bit happy? A subdued smile forms on her face. She quickly writes something down.

  
"That sounds interesting, I'll add it to the list."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't already google those odd science terms I tossed in then I have them down here for you.
> 
> Basically a zygodactyl is an animal with two toes pointed forward and two toes pointed backward, it's commonly seen in owls. Parrots and chameleons have them too but they don't get top billing in an Owl House au. Zygodactl feet are really good for climbing and grabbing.
> 
> Metachrosis is just color changing, you ever see videos of an octopus changing color and shaping itself to look like a different animal? Metachrosis is a means of camouflage, a way to adapt to temperature, and even a form of communication (mostly just to show itself to mates and rivals but I think I can take it a step further for a sapient alien).
> 
> Luminescent is just light, I don't think it needs explaining.
> 
> Our alien 'LZ' here is pretty much an owl, cat, octopus, and mood ring put into a blender. Perhaps a bit of jellyfish and plant too.


	3. An alien learns about Safety Doors

"So Doctor Clawthorne..." I start.

  
"What?" Lilith is curt as always.

  
"Can I leave soon? I've been here for a while and I'd like to see more of Earth." I asked, hoping that maybe the tests were close to being over.

  
Lilith sighs and gets down on my level, she puts a hand on my shoulder. "It's very important we make sure you aren't going to hurt anyone."

  
"I wouldn't do that!" I'm shocked by the implication. "I've been here for sooo long and you don't even trust me?"

  
Lilith shook her head. "You may not do it on purpose but if you happened to be carrying any alien diseases that humans have no built up immunity against then you could do a lot of damage without meaning to."

  
"Oh..." That was actually a reasonable concern. "But I've been here a while now and _you_ haven't gotten sick so it should be safe right?" I ask hopefully.

  
"We just have some more tests to run, we'll tell you if you can leave." Lilith stood back up.

  
I tilt my head, something about that didn't sound right. "...You mean _when_ I can leave, right?"

  
"Well that depends on if we determine it's safe, you don't want to hurt anyone right?" Lilith's eyes met mine, supposedly humans see eye contact as polite rather than aggressive but I have my doubts.

  
My ears turn downward. "...No."

  
"You trust us don't you? After all you can't expect us to trust you unless it goes both ways." She places a hand on my head.

  
"Of course doc."

  
"Doctor Clawthorne."

  
I stepped into my room, and hesitated. I turned and reached a hand out towards Lilith. "...Doctor Clawthorne, do you think-" I was cut off by the automatic door shutting on me.

  
Literally.

  
My people do not typically use noise to communicate with few exceptions, one of those exceptions being pain.

  
I screeched horribly and started glowing ultraviolet from the intense pain, collapsing to the floor as I grabbed my damaged hand. The door opened back up instantly to a very alarmed Lilith, and as the opening of the door dropped my finger.

  
"Oh god, you're damaged! We need to get you to surgery, maybe we can reattach it!"

  
I hissed painfully. "Surgery isn't necessary, it will grow back but it really hurts."

  
"I-It grows back? You have regenerative properties?" Lilith sounded calmer but I was shaking and whimpering. She gently touched my arm. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

  
"I don't think so, human medicine isn't compatible with me."

  
"I... guess I'll just take this finger away then..."

  
"Are all human doors this dangerous?"

  
"This is a containment cell, unfortunately the doors need to seal very tight for safety reasons." Lilith carefully put my severed finger in a specimen bag.

  
"Humans don't seem to understand safety very well..." I grumbled as I moved to the far wall to watch the door shut again from a distance, my good hand holding my damaged hand. 

  
The intercom activates and Lilith's voice pours out. "I'll send a janitor up to sterilize the door and a doctor to observe you overnight."

  
I look around the very simple sterile white room to try to distract myself. There was some effort put into making my environment habitable. There was toggleable light for me to absorb that I could set to any color I like, as long as it's in the human range. Cool air circulates into the room. They didn't want me dead or even uncomfortable necessarily, but I don't believe they're especially good at that.

  
The door opens and the janitor shows up, they have a mask covering their face, most of the staff besides Lilith do. They start cleaning the door while standing right in the threshold of the room without concern for how dangerous the door can be. They also seem unconcerned for my presence, most humans stare a little the first time at least but I couldn't tell if I met this one before with the mask hiding their face.

  
"So how is your day going janitor human?" My voice was strained but I still wanted some kind of distraction and the minimalism of the room proved unhelpful.

  
"Can't complain."

  
"What's your name?"

  
"Cain."

  
"Do you like your job?"

  
"I've had better."

  
I gave up getting anything out of them.

  
After a little while the janitor leaves. My damaged hand settled down from searing pain to throbbing numbness by this point. I notice a doctor hovering outside my room, they don't enter. Probably just here observing if my injury gets worse. I ignore him as best I can.

  
I toggle the light off and lie on the comfort rectangle, I think bed is probably the term but it has so few features that the word's definition in my head and the actual object hardly seem related. Cot perhaps? It didn't seem especially portable. Doctor exam room table? Numerous human words float in my head but I haven't had enough casual human conversation to figure out the nuances. I reach a hand towards the ceiling and project the stars as I remember them. At least the blank white sterile ceiling is useful for this much.

  
\---

  
"So your finger seems to have grown back perfectly overnight."

  
"Yeah I guess..."

  
"This is quite amazing, if only humans could do that."

  
"Our biology isn't compatible though."

  
"Perhaps but that doesn't mean we can't get any use out of this, after all lab animals can sometimes be modified to grow functioning human parts and organs. If we could figure out what makes you tick and replicate it..." Lilith trailed off.

  
"Where are you going with this Lilith?"

  
"I'd like to... request something of you."

  
Lilith didn't correct me when I didn't call her doctor, that is worrying. I nervously glow yellow. "What?"

  
You wouldn't assume humans are predators by looking at them; no claws, dull canines, no leverage in their jaws for a proper bite, no natural weapons... and yet few things I've encountered in my life feel quite as dangerous as the look Lilith is giving me. "I'd like to remove a hand for research."

  
"A whole hand!?" I recoil and grab my hand at such a suggestion.

  
"You can regenerate it right?"

  
"Yes but losing limbs really hurts."

  
Lilith puts a hand on my shoulder. "I won't force you to do anything but this research could save lives and really help people." A smile formed on her face, I thought smiles were supposed to be a pleasant human expression but perhaps that was incorrect.

  
"Well..." I hesitated.

  
"I know you'll do the right thing, but every day you put it off is a day that could save someone's life."

  
"Can't you just use the finger you took?"

  
"A hand is much more complex, it would be so much better for our research. So what do you say?"

  
"...ok." I spoke so quiet, maybe I hoped it was too quiet to hear.

  
It wasn't.


	4. An alien learns about Trucks

"I notice you sometimes change color with emotions but I don't notice anything when you're in pain."

  
I was curled up on the floor clutching what used to be my left hand. "If I wasn't in so much pain I'd be turning a very angry shade of orange right now."

  
"Does pain disrupt your ability to glow?"

  
"I'm glowing right now Lilith!"

  
" _Doctor_ Clawthorne." She corrected.

  
I shot her a look. "Really? Right now?"

  
"You might be outside the spectrum that human eyes can see, I'm gonna get some equipment." Lilith left the room.

  
"Oh by all means, as long as you're having fun." I grumbled. After a moment I realize the door still hadn't closed. I looked up, I was unsupervised. I shakily got to my feet and stepped out the room. Nobody was watching me.

  
I took off down the hall excitedly, although not too quickly to avoid aggravating my injury. I paused by the breakroom, there was a sign that said ' **No Breaking Things In The Breakroom** ' that was put up after... an incident occurred. I peaked in and saw there were people inside so I kept moving until I found King's cell. A lab rat scurried up to the window. "Finally you're here! It's about time, I was getting bored." I opened the door and King ran out.

  
"Wanna run around unsupervised?" I asked as I opened the door to his cell.

  
"You know it! I..." King's rat eyes drifted to my hand... or lack of hand. "Are you ok?"

  
"I'll be ok eventually, no thanks to _Doctor_ Clawthorne." I grumbled bitterly. I morphed my voice to mimic her. " _I'm Doctor Clawthorne, I didn't go to eight years of cutting-hands-off school to be called by my name._"

  
"Hah! She does say that."

  
I rub my wrist. "It's starting to hurt less, but I think I deserve to have a little fun after that."

  
"Yeah, we could pull pranks or..." King pondered for a a moment. "I don't actually have a second option in mind, that's what we're doing." King decided.

  
"Sounds like fun!" I might have been feeling a _little_ vengeful. "So what should we do first?"

  
King suddenly grew quiet.

  
"King? Is your jaw about to fall off again?" Then a shadow fell over me.

  
"There you are whelp." A voice growled.

  
I turned around and tried not to look surprised at the furious eyes glaring out of the lenses of a gas mask. "Heeey Wrath..." I started to wave, then realized I was using my stump and switched to my right hand. I try to casually lean on the wall in an effort to not look panicked or suspicious. "I was just stretching my legs while Lilith got some equipment but she's probably waiting for me sooo..." I tried to move away but Wrath picked me up by the neck and slammed me into a wall.

  
"You aren't some cushy guest here alien, this is Empyrean _Containment_ , you're here to be _contained_. You aren't allowed to just walk around like you own the place."

  
I struggled against Wrath's grip, I didn't exactly rely on my neck for breathing like humans seem to but I was terrified by the aggressive gesture. "But Lilith said-"

  
"It doesn't matter what Lilith said, you aren't allowed to leave _period_ , and now that she isn't all worried about you getting hurt I don't have to hold back... I wonder if you can regenerate your head?" His grip on my neck tightened. "You need to understand that humans are the best predators this planet has to offer, you aren't escaping from us."

  
Panic set in, my fear response overriding my pain response. I flashed a blinding light while sharp spikes form on the surface of my skin, stabbing into Wrath's hand. Wrath yelled and dropped me to the floor, I grabbed King and ran.

  
\---

  
I managed to get outside just as the facility went on lockdown. They didn't know I was outside already but I wasn't safe yet. "King, you may need to ditch the rat."

  
"Aw, but I like having my own body..."

  
"We can't risk that thing having a tracking device."

  
"Fine..." King slithered out and I let him attach to my neck.

  
I threw the dead rat onto the roof and ran, if that thing had a tracking device then maybe that bought me some time.

  
As I ran I actually found myself somewhat grateful my pained ultraviolet glow was suppressing the more noticeable emotions, bright flashing fear would not work in my favor right now.  
I race away from Empyrean for what seems like hours until every ounce of energy is gone. I lean against a rock and try to come up with a plan. I should try to find my ship but I have no idea where it is at this point, once EC brought me to their facilities I lost all track of my location, and the months I spent there didn't help me retain the sharpest memory of my surroundings for the brief time I spend loose.

  
While I was considering my options a beam of light hit me. I nervously whimper, too exhausted to run and afraid of losing more than just hands.

  
"What on Earth is that thing?"

  
"Please don't hurt me..." I manage to get out, I have little reason to think it will work anymore but it was the only thing I could think of.

  
"You talk?"

  
The light lowers a bit and I'm able to make out a human woman holding a flashlight, it's bigger than the tiny flashlights the doctors use to inspect things but this new woman seemed to be examining me all the same. "Y-Yes, I talk."

  
She gets closer, as she does I notice her walk is less smooth than the doctors I'd known and she seemed to be leaning on a wooden stick topped with a carving of some sort. Her hair seemed jagged, more reminiscent of my head ridges than the immaculately straight hair I was used to seeing. "Is this some kind of costume?" She asked, poking me with her wooden stick.

  
"No, and please stop that." I attempt to hold up my hands defensively, then remember my left hand isn't done growing back and I just displayed weakness to one of these predators. I quickly hide my left arm behind me, hoping she didn't see.

  
"You're hurt."

  
This is it, I'm done for...

  
"I know what that's like." She taps her stick against her right leg and an odd noise comes from it. I look at her leg and realize it has an odd shine to it, like an insect's shell rather than the normal soft human texture. She sits next to me on the rock and allows me a better look.

  
"It's a false limb." I gasped, marveling at the odd sight. "So this is what you do when you can't regrow a limb."

  
"You can regrow yours?"

  
"Yes, I only lost this one earlier today, or perhaps yesterday?" I looked up at the night sky but there was little indication if it was past midnight yet or not. "It still hurts but it will be fine soon if I can find a safe place to rest."

  
"Do you want to stick with me for a bit?" She offered.

  
"Stick?" Like wooden stick? Like adhesive? Like King on my neck?

  
"You can stay at my house, it's also a store. I got a cot in the breakroom so I can take naps when things get slow."

  
I didn't understand everything this woman said but I couldn't just stay here and wait for Empyrean to find me. "Okay."

  
I followed the stranger to her vehicle, unlike the van Empyrean used this car was red and had clear windows, and the back section was wide open. I paused, unsure if I should climb into the open area or...

  
"Have you seen a truck before? You just open the door like this." Then she grabbed a protrusion and pulled, the door swiveled outwards instead of sliding to the side like the other doors I'd seen. I look at the woman, then I look back at the opening and nervously climb in. I'm startles by the door being closed loudly, suddenly feeling trapped again. Before I could freak out the other door opens and the woman climbs in. "Are you ready?"

  
"Yes?"

  
Then the truck is activated, rumbling aggressively. Then voices and tones emerge from somewhere, I think it's music? The lady adjusts the dial and the secondary sounds quiet a little. "Is it cool if I roll the windows down?"

  
The temperature in this truck is rather warm to me rather than 'cool' but humans probably feel temperature differently. I don't understand what it would mean for a window to 'roll' however. "I'm feeling warm."

  
"My thoughts exactly." Then she presses a button and the window starts to go away. I marvel at this until the vehicle begins to move and a massive gust of wind hits my face and I jump back in shock, stumbling into the woman. "Hey little alien person thing, whatever you are, try not to ram into me like that when I'm driving ok?"

  
"My apologies miss."

  
"Don't worry about it, my name's Eda by the way."

  
"I was listed in my file as Luminescent Zygodactyl."

  
"...I'm gonna just call you Luz."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: UV light, the same stuff that damages your skin if you spend too long in the sun, can also damage germs and bacteria. I chose to have a damaged Luz instinctively glow ultraviolet for this reason to prevent infection. Don't try to kill germs on yourself with UV light though, it'll damage you too. As to why humans and little worm King don't get hurt by Luz's UV light... Maybe Luz produces far-UVC light? For simplicity's sake I'm gonna keep referring to it as UV in the story and hope nobody cares enough to complain if my exaggerated science is inaccurate.


	5. An alien learns about Snowglobes

Travel in the truck was much more pleasant than the other human vehicle, maybe it's just the lack of net constricting me or perhaps it's the air from the open window flowing over my face but it feels more... free.

  
When we stop Eda lets me out of the truck and she beckons me to follow. We approach a building with a sign labeled ' **Eda's Extraterrestrials** ' hanging out front. She opens the door and a chiming noise rings out and we enter.

  
This facility was drastically different from the white empty rooms I'd known humans to enjoy, instead I found myself in a brown room full of strange objects. I look around in awe. "Wow, it's beautiful! And not sterile in the slightest!"

  
"Thanks?"

  
I pick up a glass orb full of water with a tiny green figure inside, the movement causes white particles to stir up "What is this thing?"

  
"That's a snowglobe, shake it and see what happens."

  
I shake the object and the white particles swirl around, my eyes light up slightly more than usual. "It's like the tiny green friend is enjoying a snowstorm!"

  
"Yep, this is Eda's Extraterrestrials, it's an alien tchotchke shop. People buy weird little alien themed objects here."

  
There was a human clothing with "If abducted, do not return to Earth" and another human clothing with "I (weird red symbol that looks like a human posterior) Aliens" hanging on various metal objects. "What are these?" I ask, poking the metal objects the clothes hang from.

  
"Those are clothes, humans wear them."

  
I grab a metal object and hang it off my ear.

  
"Those are the hangers, you take the clothes off the hangers before wearing them."

  
I remove the clothes from the hanger and put the hanger back on my ear.

  
Eda stared at me with an open mouth and furrowed eyebrows until I couldn't keep my composure and I turned yellow-green from hilarity and started laughing. "I know what clothes are Miss Eda, your face is so amusing right now."

  
Eda looked annoyed for a moment before snorting a bit and joining in the laughter. "Ok, you actually got me." Eda ran a finger under her eye. "Well played kid... or however old you are. Are you actually a kid or is your species just small?"

  
The people in the lab looked into converting my planets time to theirs to figure out my age in their own standard of measurement so I actually have an answer to that. "I'm 14 in Earth years."

  
"Does that make you a kid in your species?"

  
"I am adolescent. My people are considered mature by... about twice my current age so 28 in Earth years?"

  
Eda nodded her head. "Humans in this country are considered adults by 21."

  
"So 21 year old humans are fully mature?" I inquired curiously, wondering why location would determine adulthood.

  
Eda snorted a little. "In my experience? Not even a little."

  
"When is a human fully mature then?"

  
"Beats me, there's this one guy who stalks me sometimes and he's just the same entitled brat he was in high school, except with a badge now so he has actual authority to abuse. I'd argue he got _less_ mature with age because of it."

  
"Humans can mature in reverse?" I asked incredulously.

  
"Not physically but yes."

  
King wiggled around a bit to remind me of his presence, and alarming Eda. "What the heck is that thing!?"

  
"That's just King, he's a little parasite."

  
"And he just sits on the back of your neck?"

  
"Unless you have a dead thing around here he can use."

  
"You mean like some meat? I think I have some bologna in the fridge."

  
"More like a corpse, he needs something he can pilot."

  
"Pilot..." Eda seemed concerned by the concept. "Well I have a taxidermy jackalope over there but I'm not sure if that counts." Eda gestured at a strange furry creature with long ears and antlers.

  
I walk over and poke it, there doesn't seem to be any response so I assume it's dead despite its upright posture. "Let's give it a try."

  
Eda watched curiously as I gently removed King from my neck and placed him on the creature. After a moment he managed to burrow into it, but it seemed harder for him than normal. Then it started to move, stiffly at first but then the eyes gleamed with King's sapience. "What... What is this thing?" King seemed surprised with his new body.

  
"Oh dear god it talks." Eda backed away.

  
"Are you ok King?"

  
"This body, the eyes are glass! And it's body is full of plant matter and chemicals! It's dead but it's been modified to not decay!"

  
"Why would anyone do that?" I turned to Eda. "Miss Eda why do you have this thing?"

  
"I dunno, rabbits with fake horns are popular out here."

  
"Luz, do you know what this means?" King sounded excited. "I have a body that can live forever! If I took this technology back to my planet I could become an all-powerful feared ruler and conquer the world!" King's voice intensified. "I'd be a god!"

  
"As a bunny rabbit with plastic horns?" Eda asked with a raised eyebrow.

  
"Does this 'taxidermy' have other options?"

  
"Mmmnno-nope, it's just bunny rabbits. That will just have to be your only option for conquest."

  
"Very well then, I accept your offering Eda. I shall claim this body as my new vessel, his name shall be Francois."

  
"How does he know my name?"

  
"He was on my neck the whole time, he could keep up with my thoughts pretty well from there."

  
"Well as long as he stays out of _my_ head he can keep the jackalope." Eda yawns. "Anyway the break room is over here." Eda leads me over to an adjacent room and starts pointing at objects. "There's the cot, there's a TV, there's a fridge, I don't know what you eat and you don't seem to have a mouth but you can help yourself to whatever's in there."

  
"I feed on light and sometimes cold."

  
"...Yeah I think we have that in the fridge. Should I leave the light on?"

  
"I actually do prefer darkness to sleep in."

  
"But you're glowing."

  
"Yes?" I wasn't sure what she was getting at.

  
"Never mind, g'night Luz."

  
"Pleasant sleep Miss Eda, and don't worry, I won't break anything in the break room!"

  
"I wasn't worried until you said that." Eda said as she walked away.

  
I quietly curl up on the cot, my tail wrapping around me. The cot is well-worn but much more comfortable than what I'd been using. King hopped into the room to join me. "Awww, your widdle hopping is sooo cute!" I gushed, briefly flashing blue-green from the surge of affection before returning to ultraviolet.

  
"I'm not cute, this mighty beast is too powerful to merely walk anywhere, it can only leap and run! Now give me a boost, I can't get up there without help."

  
I pick up King and set him next to me on the cot and he curls up next to me, falling asleep nearly instantly. I lay my head back down and try to quiet my restless mind.


	6. An alien learns about Coffee

"Oh god that wasn't just a crazy painkiller-fueled dream. I actually have a god-damned alien in my break room."

  
A voice almost stirs me awake but I keep my eyes shut. "Just let me sleep, I'm not in the mood for more experiments after..." I trail off and grab my left hand protectively.

  
"What?" The voice seems confused.

  
I crack one eye, not wanting to deal with blindingly white walls right now. Then my eyes snap open completely. There were no blindingly white walls, I wasn't in the lab. I jolt up so suddenly the cot falls over. "Waugh!"

  
"Nyeh!" King also makes an alarmed sound as he's rudely awakened. "What are you... Oh cool, my body still isn't rotten."

  
I look up to see Eda, she seems surprised yet tired. Eda yawns. "Well it's too early to deal with this so I'm gonna have some coffee." Eda walks over to a table and starts fiddling with a machine.

  
I glance at my left hand, it was about half grown back, no fingers had formed yet but my projector was a nearly full circle with only the slightest edge missing, like a moon in a gibbous phase.

  
I creep over to watch Eda operate the machine. "Miss Eda?"

  
Eda flinches at my sudden appearance. "Ffff-Jeez kid you don't need to sneak around."

  
"My apologies, I was just wondering what you're doing."

  
"I'm making coffee, humans drink it to help wake up in the morning."

  
"But you're already awake."

  
"Barely."

  
"Can I try some?"

  
"I guess? You don't seem to have a mouth though."

  
"I can fix that." I split open my face. Humans are omnivores so I should probably aim for that before consuming human food. I form pointy teeth in the front and flat grinding teeth in the back, then I finish by adding a tongue. "Is this better?" I ask, using my new mouth to form the words instead of just emanating them through my skin.

  
"Well that was horrifying." Eda pours the coffee into two mugs and hands one to me.

  
I pour the coffee into my mouth and take a moment to enjoy the odd sensations, immense heat was expected since I was holding the mug and already knew it was hot but there was something else that focused solely on the tongue, if I recalled my knowledge of humans correctly this was one of their senses, taste. The feeling of taste wasn't the most pleasant thing but it was a fascinating new experience. Then I move the liquid from my mouth to my stomach. After a moment I begin to vibrate. "F-f-f-fascinating."

  
"Well I regret all my life choices that led to this."

  
"ThisisquitetheoddexperienceInormallygatherenergyfromabsorbinglightslowlyovertimebutabeveragethatprovidesvastamountsofenergyallatonceismuchmoreefficentwhydohumansevenneedtosleepiftheyhavesuchathingattheirdisposalyoucouldjuststayawakeforeverwhydon'tyouIknowIwouldifIhadthiskindofadvanced-" Then I fell over, the last thing I heard was King's voice.

  
"Whelp, looks like you killed her. I already have dibs on the corpse so don't get any ideas."

  
 _Rude_. My last thought before everything fades to black.

  
\---

  
I wake up again to brown walls instead of white ones. "Oh cool, it still wasn't a dream." I touched my face and realized the mouth was still there. I melted it away and my face was normal again. When I pulled my hand away I realized I had used my left hand, my entire left hand. I flexed my fingers, they were fully functional.

  
"Hey Luz!" I look down the edge of the cot to see King, still a jackalope, staring up at me. "I'm glad you woke up."

  
"Really? I almost though you were excited seeing as how you already claimed dibs." I poked his nose.

  
He smacked my hand away with his paw. "Well yeah, I'm not gonna leave you behind if you die. Even if it means giving up my new immortal body I'll get your remains home."

  
"I guess that's a little sweet, in your own weird way. So how long was I asleep?"

  
"About 20 minutes."

  
I was shocked, I looked at my hand. There was nothing wrong with it, a quick test proved the projector was functional, all the fingers were there, I could form an extra finger and morph it away just fine, and it glowed the same as my right hand. A regeneration that would normally take two or three nights of sleep to recover from was completed with no complications with a twenty minute nap and a small amount of hot liquid.

  
I'm gonna have to bring this coffee technology to my home planet when I get back, it truly is the greatest thing this planet has to offer. "So where's Eda?"

  
"She said she had to open the store. She said if you wake up to knock on the breakroom door and wait for her. She thinks it would be bad if the wrong person sees you."

  
"Does she know we're on the run?"

  
"I didn't say anything to her."

  
I go over to the door and knock. After a moment Eda opens the door. "Hey kid, I'm glad you're awake. I think maybe we should avoid giving you coffee again."

  
"I disagree but we can negotiate access to coffee technology later. May I leave the break room?"

  
"Well there's nobody in the store now so sure." She allowed me out with no fuss, it was a pleasant change of pace. Eda put a hand to her chin. "While you aren't too out of place in an alien-themed store we probably need a disguise for you just in case."

  
I contemplate the best way to blend in among humans. After a moment I have an idea and I place a hand on Eda's arm. I slowly grow taller, mimicking the odd quirks of her human biology until I've become a fully-formed copy of Eda, down to the clothing and artificial components making up her right leg.

  
"That would be _so_ awesome if I ever need an alibi but we can't have two of me walking around at all times."

  
"Whats an alibi?"

  
"Never mind that, I have an idea but you'll need to change back."

  
I morph back to normal as Eda pulls out a square and a marker. She writes something on the square and hangs it around my neck then activated what seems to be an ultraviolet light. I look at the sign and it reads 'Real Alien' on it. "Miss Eda, what is this?"

  
"If you wear that sign people will think you're wearing a costume and assume the glowing is just an effect of the blacklight."

  
"Miss Eda I don't think-"

  
Suddenly a chiming noise rings out as a human walks into the store and Eda turns to them. "Welcome to Eda's Extraterrestrials! Now with real aliens!" Eda gestures at me.  
I shot Eda a look but the new human just chuckled mildly. "Heh, that's cute. Do you have postcards here?"

  
"The rack's right over there." Eda pointed. The other human perused a variety of rectangles and selected a couple, then handed Eda some green rectangles and left. "See? You're fine, most people don't actually believe in aliens."

  
"What about the ones that do?"

  
"Well I do have one regular like that so we can find out."

  
"Is that a good idea?"

  
"He's just a kid so nobody important will listen to him, they don't listen to him now when he goes around claiming to have seen an alien before."

  
"Really? Why would someone say something that isn't true?"

  
"...On one hand I don't want to spoil your innocence but on the other hand you should probably learn about lying if you want to stay hidden."

  
\---

  
After Eda had finished explaining the intricacies of lying I had much to think about. It explained how Lilith could say one thing and Wrath could say something else entirely despite them both supposedly working towards the same goal. "Miss Eda?"

  
"What's up kid?"

  
"How do you know if someone's lying to you? How do I know if _you're_ lying to me or not?"

  
"Personally I try to avoid lying, can't get caught in a lie if you don't lie." She tapped the side of her head. This wasn't very comforting, I turned an uneasy yellow.

  
Eda seemed to sense my unease. "Look kid, I'll let you in on a little secret, if I'm trying to talk around someone then I answer a question with another question. If I start doing that with you then it means I really don't want to say something."

  
"Why would you tell me that?"

  
Eda shrugged her shoulders. "You seem like you could use a little stability in your life, just don't press a subject I'm trying to avoid unless it's really important to you ok?"

  
"Ok Miss Eda."

  
Eda smiled at me, it looks pleasant on her face. "You can just call me Eda."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like Eda doesn't actually do much intentional lying in the show, she says things like 'I haven't broken any laws in front of you' to law enforcement. It's kinda funny to think that the most wanted criminal on the Boiling Isles is apparently bad at lying of all things.


	7. An alien learns about Ambiguity

Numerous humans enter and leave the store throughout the day without paying me much mind, even the scientists who were used to my presence tended to stare but here I was just normal. Some commented on King being a neat 'animatronic' and laughed when he proclaimed his intention for conquest and domination.

  
Things slowed down and I was helping Eda with shelf stocking and discussing plans. "My ship should still be cloaked, if I was close enough I'd be able to sense it but I'd need to find the right area first."

  
"Well we could drive around the desert or something, do you have even a vague idea of where to go? Maybe around the area I found you?"

  
"No, that area wasn't familiar and it's too close to... something else... to be safe to explore."

  
Eda raised an eyebrow but thankfully didn't press for what that 'something else' was. "Were there any landmarks or-"

  
The door chimed and Eda stopped talking, turning to greet the customer. "Welcome to Eda's-Oh hey Augustus, here for your usual copy of Weekly World News?"

  
Eda went to deal with the customer, I peered around the shelf to see a small human standing next to another small human. I didn't realize human came that small, they looked just under my size. The smaller of the two spoke. "Yeah, I wanted to check if..." He trailed of when he saw me peeking around the corner. "No, no i-it couldn't be..."

  
"Uh, hi there." I greeted, a little worried about his odd reaction.

  
He pointed at me. "Willow, that's the alien!"

  
I was alarmed but the other human only looked tired. "Gus, it's just a costume. They're standing right under a blacklight."

  
"No, it's actually them this time! Look!" Gus pulled out a glowing rectangle, humans sure do love rectangles, and showed it to the other. I walked around him to look at his rectangle and saw a blurry picture of... me? It was me! Running along the road with a black car moving past me. Then he lowered the picture and gestured to where I was a moment ago. "See? Wait, where did it go?" Then he turned and yelped when he saw me behind him, dropping his rectangle with a crack.

  
"My apologies, I didn't mean to alarm you." I picked up the object and inspected it. The image was gone, replaced by a crack. I placed my hand on the screen, it seems to be glass. Oh, it's like a TV! I focus a moment to merge the molecules back together to repair the crack and handed it back to him.

  
"Willow, she just used her alien powers to fix my cracked phone!"

  
"We didn't actually see the screen crack, it might have just made that sound."

  
"Willow! You always said you believed me!"

  
"I do but why would an alien stand around in an alien store with a sign that says 'Real Alien' around their neck? It's just a gimmick, you've had false alarms before."

  
"In my defense it's weird to have a light-up inflatable snowman this time of year, you can't blame me for that one."

  
"Mr. Adegast wasn't happy about the fire department showing up."

  
Eda put a hand on my shoulder and led me away while the humans argued. "Luz, maybe you should go to the break room while I smooth things over."

  
" _Eda, he has a picture of me_." I whispered once we were out of standard human hearing range.

  
Eda didn't seem phased by this information. "He isn't the first person to take a picture of you today."

  
" _No, I mean an old picture from months ago!_ " I grabbed Eda's arm and looked at her intently. " _If we find out where that picture was taken, we can find my spaceship!_ "

  
We looked back at Gus and Willow, still having an argument. "It's not a costume! Just look at her!" He gestured to where I was before Eda led me away. "Oh my gosh, she teleported again!"

  
"She just walked away Gus, it's not teleporting just because you weren't looking. Look, she's just over there." Willow pointed at me. I waved.

  
Gus came up to me. "You're an alien aren't you? Please, I won't tell anyone!" He pleads with big sad human eyes.

  
I'm not sure how to respond to him. I looked down at the sign, then I looked at Eda. Eda stepped in. "Look Augustus, what's more likely, I found an alien and decided just to have her work in my store or I hired someone to dress like an alien to amuse customers?"

  
I suddenly realized what Eda did. "Oooh, answering a question with another question! Yes, no lying has occurred."

  
Eda let out a long, frustrated groan. "Damn it Luz..."

  
"So you are an alien!" Gus says excitedly.

  
"I do not believe I said any such thing." Somehow this Gus has seen through the ruse, deception is tricky.

  
Willow came over. "Please don't mess with him, he's being serious."

  
I look at the floor. "What mess? The floor is mostly clean."

  
"Can you just take your mask off for a second?"

  
I nervously turn yellow. "Well I-I would but..." Then the lighting changed.

  
I turned to see Gus with the cord to the blacklight in his hand, unplugged. "She's not wearing a mask." He finished the sentence that I really didn't want to complete.

  
Willow hesitantly touched me. "This isn't a costume..." She gasped. "You really _are_ an Alien! This is astounding! How did you get here? What are you doing here?" Her eyes lit up as she curiously grabbed at my face, hands, arms, before settling on holding my hands again as she examined me to a level the scientists would have called 'invasive.' Not that they didn't do invasive examinations themselves, that's just what they called them.

  
My eyes drifted down to the human girl's hands softly clasping my own, the scientists always wore gloves when touching me and this was my first time just holding a human's hands with no barrier. I glow blue-green. "Umm... I got here with a spaceship and I just kinda came here to explore? I guess I'm also seeing if there's anything interesting I could bring home, coffee technology seems neat but I haven't seen much of the planet yet."

  
Gus came over. "Wait, if you haven't seen much of the planet then does that mean this isn't actually you?" He held up his picture of me on his phone.

  
"Oh no that _is_ me... Actually I'd like to ask you-"

  
Gus cut me off. "Wait, if you've been here these past few months how have you not seen much of Earth?"

  
I try to follow Eda's example of answering a question with another question to avoid lying. "What's more likely, me getting held in a secret facility against my will or me just being unobservant?" Precisely like Eda, presenting the truth as an unlikely scenario and introducing a secondary possibility to leave things completely ambiguous.

  
Eda cautiously put a hand on my shoulder. "...Are you ok kid?"

  
"What's more likely, me not being ok or me being ok?" Completely ambiguous.


	8. An alien learns about Character Customization

Eda had put a sign on the door with an adjustable false clock announcing temporary close and clarifying eventual return at a specified time. She then ushered everyone into the break room for a 'discussion of what just happened.'

  
"Ok first things first, nothing is leaving this room ok?"

  
Gus and Willow nodded nervously, I was just confused. "We have to leave this room eventually, the sign said you'll return in half of an hour."

  
Eda pinched at the section of her nose between her eyes. "Nothing that we're about to _discuss_ will leave this room."

  
"How does a discussion leave a room?"

  
"Work with me kid..."

  
"I thought I already was?"

  
Eda's eye twitched, then she took a deep breath. "Anyway kid, what did you say about being held in a secret facility?"

  
"I was answering a question with another question like you showed me, presenting both the truth and a secondary possibility to leave things ambiguous."

  
"You..." Eda shook her head. "We'll work on that later, if someone out there already knows what you look like and is trying to find you we may need a real disguise."

  
"Should I shape-shift into you?" I asked, casually raising my hand and morphing it into a replica of Eda's.

  
"So cool!" Gus poked the morphed hand. "It feels like actual human skin!"

  
Eda interrupted, sounding a little agitated. "That can be plan 'B' for now but having a second 'me' running around acting extra weird could draw attention, also if you ran into my stalker that could cause problems..."

  
"Um... Alien girl?" Willow interjected.

  
"Yes?"

  
"If you can shape-shift into Eda is it possible to make up a fake person to change into?"

  
"Probably, I got the basics of human biology down but I don't really know how to just 'make up' a human. I don't know what looks normal on a human and what doesn't, can I still be blue?"

  
"I have this game on my phone with pretty good character customization, maybe you can just play with the options until you find something that works for you." Willow hands me her phone, it's opened to an image of a human with various arrows next to options, I touched an arrow next to the word 'hair' and the small human suddenly had different hair. "This could work..."

  
Eda nodded. "Ok then, you kids stay in here and work on Luz's human disguise while I handle the store, yell if you need me ok?"

  
\---

  
I step out into the store, a hood with pointy ears reminiscent of my own natural ears hangs down my back, the hood is part of a shirt with the top half bearing my natural blue with the bottom being simply white, then shorts over leggings, then white shoes. My skin was a tan color, I hadn't seen it on other humans yet but I liked the look of it, my head was topped with brown hair styled into spikes reminiscent of my natural ridges. I also have tiny circular items attached to my round human ears, similar to the objects on Eda's ears but smaller. Apparently humans put holes in themselves sometimes to add extra decorations.

  
Above all else I'm especially fond of the eyes, the color was like the coffee I drank this morning and they were filled with an energy to match. Human eyes are really quite expressive, I suppose they have to find alternate ways to show their emotions since they can't glow but I wouldn't say this method is bad, just different. This 'smile' thing humans do feels very pleasant on my face.

  
Eda at the register with her head just barely held up by her hand, looking on the verge of sleep if not already sleeping. I nudge her slightly and she flails awake. "Welcome to Eda's Extraterrestrials!"

  
"Guess what Eda? Luz the human is at your service!" I give a little twirl to show off, then promptly fall over because I've never walked around on human feet before and I no longer have a tail to help with balance. It most assuredly was not my fault.

  
"Luz? Damn, you actually look like a human and not some uncanny-valley-esque monstrosity."

  
"The only part of that I understood is that I look human, mission accomplished!" I raised a finger in the air triumphantly without bothering to get up.

  
Gus and Willow came up to me and helped me to my feet. Gus grinned up at Eda. "So Miss Eda, now that Luz can pass as a human can we run off on a life-changing coming-of-age alien adventure?"

  
"I don't know..." Eda said hesitantly.

  
I decided to use my ultimate weapon, elongated human politeness words. "Pleeeeaaase Eda? Gus can show me where he took that picture and I can retrace my steps back to my ship!"

  
"Alright but be careful out there, and take Owlbert."

  
"Owlbert?"

  
Eda pulled out her stick with a carved figure. "Owlbert can keep you safe if anyone gives you trouble."

  
My eyes widen as I gaze upon the strange human artifact. "How does it do that?"

  
Eda carefully unscrewed and pulled on the figure and it slid out, revealing a sharp metal implement. "He's a sword cane, just keep him sheathed unless you _really_ need him because sword canes aren't actually legal to carry around." She screwed Owlbert back in and handed him to me. "Also if you get caught I'm pretending you stole it, giving illegal weapons to children is probably worse than owning them."

  
"Thank you Eda, I promise to be careful." I poke King who's casually sleeping on the counter. "King, do you want to come?"

  
"Nyeh!" He softly smacked me away with a tiny paw. "I'm sleeping, wake me when it's time to go home."

  
Eda snorted a little. "Hah! That's a freaky alien parasite after my own heart." She scratched his forehead and one of his back legs thumped against the counter in response.

  
"King doesn't go after hearts, he burrows into the neck and replaces the damaged nervous system by spitting out his own."

  
Eda gave me a funny look like she wanted to say something, then simply let out a resigned sigh. "Okay."

  
"Wait, the jackalope is an alien too?" Gus curiously peered at King's host.

  
"Yeah yeah I'll conquer planets, leave your pitiful offerings in the tip jar and maybe you'll be spared." King waved him off, I don't think he was entirely aware that we weren't pretending to pretend to be aliens anymore... or maybe he was and that was a serious statement.

  
I hesitantly stepped out the door with Gus and Willow, it was odd to just be able to walk outside freely again. I looked around, the human world suddenly seemed drastically different and after a moment of looking around I spotted the culprit overhead. "The Earth's sun is out! Wow, it really brings out the blue in your atmosphere." I marveled at how smooth the sky looked without the stars shining through.

  
"Luz, you haven't seen the sun in all the time you've been here?" Willow touched my arm.

  
"I haven't seen the Earth sun specifically, I've only been outside twice since coming to this planet. I saw plenty of stars though, many of them are also suns." I closed my eyes for a moment and felt the sun's warmth on my face. "The distant starlight isn't very nourishing though..."

  
"You eat sunlight? Like photosynthesis?"

  
"Yes." I opened my eyes and looked at Willow, her eyes peered at me curiously from under the glass lenses. I felt nervous, something about her eyes felt intense, but it was a different kind of intense than I was used to. More... positive?

  
I looked over at Gus. "Can you show me where you took that picture? If I retrace my steps from there I can find my ship and go home."

  
Gus's face seemed to drop a little all over, the edges of his mouth, the outer edges of his eyebrows, and even his pupils pointed down. "Oh, I guess going home is important to you..." He looked back up at me. "Is there any particular rush right now? You said you didn't get to see much of Earth and now you have a chance to do so... and maybe have some fun adventures with new friends?" He asked hopefully, touching my side with his elbow enthusiastically.

  
I felt a smile form on my own face, it was still a new sensation but it already felt natural. "I suppose I have some time for a few Earth adventures."

  
The three of us grinned at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think sword cane Owlbert is a fun idea, most people skip putting him in their human AUs altogether but they haven't considered that sword canes are illegal yet not immoral, human Eda would definitely have one. If anyone wants to borrow that idea go ahead, just let me know so I can check out your fic. Same applies for any of my ideas really, if you want to use something I came up with like one-legged swordswoman Eda or alien Luz then go for it, I'll even answer worldbuilding questions if you need it.
> 
> Also alien King works like a sea cucumber, except when he spits out his nervous system it stays attached so he can pilot his host while sea cucumbers spit out their guts and grow new ones. My 'aliens doing gross alien stuff' tag might be misleading, I base a lot of this stuff on normal Earth animals.


	9. An alien learns about Montages

"So what is this again?" I carefully examine the crystalline object Willow handed me.

  
"It's rock candy, humans eat it." Willow explained.

  
I stared at the object in befuddlement, the words were in my repertoire individually but together? Candy? Human food with little to no nutritional value. Rock? Inedible mineral with little to no nutritional value. Rock candy???

  
"You just put it in your mouth and let it dissolve!" Gus added helpfully.

  
I cautiously put the item in my mouth. After a moment my human saliva starts to dissolve the crystal and my eyes widen. The human sense of taste has activated once more, but instead of the unpleasantness that I experienced with the coffee this sensation was incredible, indescribable... "What is this... taste?"

  
"That's... sweetness I guess you're tasting? The flavor we gave you is cotton candy." Willow explained.

  
"Yeah, it's basically processed sugar flavored like a slightly different processed sugar! Uh, Luz... are you okay? You seem to be vibrating..." Gus cautiously takes a step back.

  
"Can I have more all the time forever?" I requested.

  
"Maybe later..." Gus said in a manner that reminded me of the scientists for a moment, in the sense that 'later' in this context actually meant 'no.'

  
Human language is complicated.

  
\---

  
"E.T. phone home..."

  
"E.T. just wants to phone home you guys!" I sob while shoving my face into the popcorn bucket. Willow gently pats me on the back while the other movie customers in the big dark room make white noise sounds at me. It's very polite of them to work together to try and calm me down.

  
The popcorn also has good taste, maybe it's just coffee that doesn't.

  
\---

  
"Say guys, are human eyes supposed to leak water?" I ask as we exit the movie room.

  
"Yeah that'll happen sometimes. It means your emotions are really intense." Gus explained.

  
\---

  
"Not a lot of plants grow very well out in a desert but a few potted plants kept indoors aren't too hard to maintain." Willow explained as she showed me around her room. I reached out towards one but Willow grabbed my hand. "Be careful with Audrey, she's a Venus fly trap. If you touch her she might close and waste energy before reopening. You can feed her if you want."

  
"Okay then..." I was curious as to how a human feeds a plant, I don't think they can release the light they absorb like I can.

  
Willow pulled out a jar with a few tiny dead creatures and handed me a metal object. "You just use the tweezers to pick up a dead insect and gently put it in the open flytrap." Willow guided my hand and we carefully picked up an insect and placed it in the flytrap, then it's 'mouth' closed over it.

  
"Wow, Earth is so fascinating and somewhat terrifying..." I marveled at the carnivorous plant.

  
\---

  
Willow giggled "I don't know what that means! That cloud looks like a butterfly!" Willow pointed.

  
I laughed. "I don't know what that means! That cloud looks like a Pemalite!"

  
Gus snorted. "I don't know what that means! That cloud looks like a shark!"

  
My eyes leak as I laugh, I didn't realize mirth could hit the same emotional intensity requirements as sadness for eye water. "I don't know what that means! That cloud looks like..."

  
\---

  
"I'm still struggling to balance on human legs, how am I supposed to balance on this?" I uneasily sat on the human contraption.

  
"It's okay Luz, my bike still has training wheels and the helmet will protect you if you fall." Gus pointed at the odd configuration of wheels.

  
"We're not going to let you get hurt." Willow comforted, placing a hand on my back.

  
"Okay, I trust you..."

  
\---

  
"I'm so sorry Luz..." Willow said apologetically after pulling me from a pointy Earth bush.

  
"It's okay, the thorns only went through a few layers of skin." I said as I watched her place a band-aid brand adhesive bandage on my leg. It probably wouldn't take too long to regenerate but we needed to cover it up since the abrasion was glowing a little.

  
\---

  
"The moderately suggestive aspects of these lyrics might be outside of our adolescent age range." I pointed out.

  
"I've heard worse." Gus said, unfazed.

  
"That's rather concerning."

  
"We can stop if you're uncomfortable." Willow put a hand on my arm.

  
I bobbed my head a little to the sound. "No, it's otherwise enjoyable..."

  
Willow smiled at me and pulled me into a dance, softly singing along to the song. "When you touch me I die just a little inside I wonder if this could be love, this could be love, cause you're out of this world, galaxy, space and time I wonder if this could be love..."

  
My human face seems to have increased in temperature.

  
\---

  
Eventually Gus reluctantly brought me to where the picture was taken, he even helpfully pointed out the direction I came from despite his reluctance. Gus and Willow were both quiet as I considered my surroundings, wordlessly following as I veered off the road. "I remember this cliff." I worked my way down, fumbling a little as I don't currently have my usual zygodactyl feet, you'd think humans would be suitable for climbing too since certain human characteristics suggest brachiation capabilities but the rocks are too jagged and shoes are needed for protection of soft human feet at the expense of mobility.

  
I waited for Willow and Gus to get down safely before continuing. The silence seemed to grow more and more tense until Gus finally spoke up. "I wish you could stay, do you really need to leave? We could still have so much fun, there's way more to do on Earth if you just... stay." He pleaded.

  
I stopped walking. "Gus I..." I fiddled with my left hand for a moment, I didn't want to talk about the lingering fear creeping up inside me. Even with all the fun I had today I still couldn't shake the feeling that I could easily hurt someone without meaning to. As I continued looking at my hand a thought occurred to me.

  
"Gus..." I held up my finger and unmorphed it, allowing it's glow to shine through. "I'll be right here." I poked him on the forehead.

  
"Omigosh Willow I just got ETed, I just got ETed!!!" Gus squealed excitedly while shaking Willow back and forth. Then he settled into a calm state of awe. "This is the best day of my life..."

  
"Besides I'm not leaving right now." I morphed my finger back. "I still need to grab King. I mostly just want to use the ship's communicators to call my mom so she doesn't go on the warpath, it's been a few months since I called."

  
Willow giggled at this. "I know how that is, I guess humans and aliens aren't so-" Willow's statement was cut off as she bumped into me. "Oh sorry Luz... Luz?"

  
I was frozen in place, this wasn't right. "No no no!"

  
"Luz?" Willow asked more hesitantly.

  
I ran a finger on the blackened sand and sniffed it, it carried the scent of my ship's fuel. "The ship is supposed to be here."

  
"Are you sure?" Gus asked.

  
I fell to my knees. "My ship is gone, I can't go home."


	10. An alien learns about Family

The walk back to Eda's was somber, moreso than when we were heading to what we thought was my key to leaving Earth. "Well it looks like you got your wish Gus, I'm stuck here..."

  
"Luz I didn't want this." He reached out but I just pulled away.

  
"I can get back to Eda's from here, you guys should go home..." _Since you at least have that option_. In this moment I have a better appreciation for spoken communication, you can choose not to say everything you mean.

  
"Luz..." Willow sounded so sad, if I had any emotional strength left I'd try to comfort her but...

  
I couldn't.

  
"I just need to be alone right now..." I wouldn't have expected those words to leave my mouth after the isolation I've felt these past few months but I couldn't take anything else today.

  
Willow and Gus hesitated for a moment before reluctantly walked away. I continued back to Eda's store until I heard something that shook me to my core.

  
I wouldn't have recognized him by his suddenly exposed face that always remained concealed in his gas mask and her back was to me but even if recognizing voices wasn't my strong suit the way they spoke to each other left no room for doubt.

  
"...useless cretin! We have more important things to go after and you're wasting resources on this?"

  
"I heard rumors of an alien being here."

  
"It's a god damn alien store! There's an inflatable tube man alien right out front! If you didn't have a history of doing this I'd _almost_ give you the benefit of the doubt but I _unfortunately_ know you better than that! I suppose next you'll investigate farmer Adegast's claims of aliens making crop circles on his farm?"

  
I think Earth is conspiring against me and the only reason I got one great day is to thoroughly throw me back down and crush me under it's suddenly intense gravity.

  
I manage to slip back into Eda's shop without drawing their attention and run past the counter, handing Owlbert to Eda as I pass her. "Hey kid, what are you-"

  
"I need to hide! King too!" I grab a startled King and run into the breakroom, he makes a 'Weh?' sound of confusion.

  
Eda peered into the breakroom. "Are you okay kid?"

  
"No for several reasons, most of which are outside..."

  
Eda walked over to the door, I opened the breakroom door just a crack to watch. "Oh god damn it!" Eda unsheathed her sword cane. "What part of 'restraining order' aren't you getting through your thick head? Get out of here!"

  
"I was just leaving..." Wrath's low voice just barely reached me.

  
For a moment I think I'm safe until another voice chimes in much closer to the door. "Hello Edalyn, may I come in?"

  
"No, we're closed."

  
An unpleasant laugh rang out. "Even if that were true I don't think such restrictions apply to family..." Lilith pushed past Eda and got inside.

  
"Hey! You don't see me barging into your house!"

  
Lilith slowly moved around the store, taking pause by the snow globes. "Edalyn, have you seen anything... unusual lately?"

  
"Besides my estranged sister coming out to my store to bother me?"

  
_Sister?_ I felt terror, Eda was related to Lilith this whole time?

  
Would Eda protect me from her own family?

  
Lilith picked up a snowglobe and inspected it. "How's your leg doing today Edalyn?"

  
"It's fine and I don't need your pity, go away."

  
Lilith sighed. "I'm not here out of pity sister." Lilith turned her gaze towards Eda. "Edalyn, do you remember when we were girls looking up at the stars and we promised that if either of us found an alien we'd tell the other?" Lilith shook the snowglobe and placed it down. "Do you still believe in that promise?"

  
I was shaking as I nervously watched Eda slowly walk over to her sister. Then she placed the back of her hand on Lilith's forehead. "Are you feeling alright? You aren't running a fever are you?"

  
Lilith grabbed Eda's hand and lowered it. "Eda, I _did_ find an alien, months ago." Eda took a step back but Lilith didn't release her hand. "It escaped recently but it can't leave, we have it's ship!"

  
What?

  
"What?" Eda echoed what I was thinking.

  
"And the best part is, it can regenerate! If I can uncover the key to it's capabilities then we can... We can bring back your leg Eda..." Lilith's voice started to break. "I just need to find it again, I cut a hand off it but it isn't enough... I need the real thing!" Lilith's tone is laced with desperation.

  
Eda yanked her hand away from Lilith's grasp and stumbled back, falling to the ground.

  
Lilith tried to reach out. "Eda!"

  
Eda swung Owlbert, still sheathed but it was enough to make Lilith take a step back. "Lilith, I've been managing just fine without your help! Even if any of what you just said were true you can't cut up some innocent creature just because it _might_ help my leg." Eda used her cane to get back to her feet. "I think it's time you leave... and maybe get some sleep, you're acting a bit delusional even by _your_ standards."

  
Lilith's face fell, then she regained her composure and adjusted her face to something more neutral. "Very well, but if you see anything I expect you to call me." With that Lilith strolled out with the same confidence she strolled in with, aside for a moment of hesitation in the doorway. "Take care Edalyn." With that she fully left. Eda quickly moved to lock the door after her.

  
Eda leaned against the door for a moment, her face in her hands. I pushed open the breakroom door and the creak drew Eda's attention. "Kid!" She made her way over to me. "Are you okay?"

  
"Are _you_ okay?" I asked back.

  
"Heh, you're starting to learn how to answer a question with another question." Eda ruffled my hair.

  
I smiled a little before it fades. "What if she comes back?"

  
"I'll protect you." I looked at the door nervously, Eda noticed my concern. "If it makes you feel better you can sleep in my bed tonight." I nodded my head.

A nudge of tiny antlers at my leg drew my attention to King. He cleared his throat a little. "As a creature of unparalleled ferocity I can watch the door tonight so you don't need to worry, no intruder could pass me!"

"Aww, King!" I hug my little friend, somewhat glad his body is only musty instead of rotting. I have no doubts that he'll fall asleep immediately but it's still very comforting to have him protect me too.

  
\---

  
"Will my glowing keep you awake? I know blue light especially can block melatonin production and disrupt human sleep even in small amounts."

  
"It's fine, I have a blindfold."

  
Eda lies down and I curl up next to her. "Pleasant sleep Eda."

  
"Goodnight Luz."

  
Things are silent for a moment.

  
"Eda?" I ask quietly.

  
"What is it Luz?" She mumbles at me.

  
"What is the purpose of a blindfold?" I wonder.

  
"...Piñatas, now go to sleep."


	11. An alien learns about Fireflies

I've never observed a sleeping human before, I wonder if thrashing around and mumbling is normal.

  
_"Nnno... Lily the car!... it hurts..."_

  
I carefully inspect her face, her eyes are obstructed by the blindfold but something glistens in my light, water seems to be leaking out. Suddenly Eda shot up, headbutting me in the process.

  
"Oooow! What the heck?" Eda removed the blindfold to see me rubbing my head. "Kid, what were you doing just now?"

  
"I was watching you sleep."

  
"Ok I don't know what things are like on your planet but here on Earth? That's creepy."

  
"Sorry Eda, you seemed to be moving around and mumbling a lot, I was worried that my light was disrupting your sleep after all. Maybe I should go back downstairs..."

  
Eda sighed and rubbed her eyes. "No kid, it has nothing to do with you... I never really sleep well." Eda rubs her arm. "On some of my really bad nights I just drive around in the desert until I calm down. I'm kind of a night owl anyway but it's why I end up taking a lot of extra naps during the day."

  
"Oh..." I said. Eda turned her back to me. "Do you want to go for a drive now?"

  
"You've had kind of a long day yourself, I don't want to leave you alone."

  
"I could come with you?"

  
"...Okay."

  
\---

  
The wind blowing through my soft human hair is a different sensation than having it flow over my normal head ridges. "This _is_ calming."

  
"Yeah..." Eda said, sounding much better than she did an hour ago.

  
"I don't know why I'm here..." King grumbled from my lap.

  
"Because we love each other and would follow one another to the ends of the universe?" I replied, petting his soft fur.

  
"I didn't have to be a part of this."

  
Eventually Eda stops the truck in a high area that gives a good vantage point for seeing a lot of Earth environment from one spot. That's when I notice tiny glowing specks in the air. "Whoa... What are those things?"

  
"They're fireflies, they're little bioluminescent bugs." Eda explained as she turned off the truck.

  
"They're like me..." I marveled.

  
"In the physical sense, but being like someone is about more than what's skin-deep." Eda put a hand on my shoulder, offering a small smile before it faded. "I'm sorry about what my sister put you through."

  
"She wasn't too bad, she was actually one of the nicer scientists there."

  
"...Isn't she the one who cut your hand off?"

  
"Yes but she asked first."

  
"You _let_ her cut your hand off?"

  
"She said it could save lives and it was the right thing to do..."

  
"Oh Luz..." Eda looked at me sadly. "That's manipulation, if someone pressures you into doing something you don't want to do they aren't being nice, even if they say 'please' and smile."

  
"I think she believed it herself though..."

  
"That doesn't make it okay."

  
There's a long pause between us as I consider everything I've been through with Lilith. I look down at King in my lap.

  
_Lilith snorted. "Not even a little but he's more cooperative when we go along with it."_

  
Did she confide in me her methods for dealing with King as an act of comradery or was she just letting her true nature slip through? Were all the little moments of kindness just to placate me?

  
"She's also the reason I know English." I said absently, I wasn't sure if I was still trying to come up with a reason why she's not all bad or if I was just keeping up conversation to hide my feelings at this point.

  
"Wait, is that why you talk like that?"

  
That brought me back to the present a little. "Is the way I talk disagreeable?"

  
"Yep that's Lilith alright, gotta use big words so everyone knows how smart she is. You could just say 'bad' instead of 'disagreeable' Luz, it would be faster."

  
"I absorbed her most commonly used words though..."

  
Eda scoffs. "She seriously uses disagreeable more than bad?"

  
"Yes."

  
"I can't believe I'm related to her..." Eda shook her head in amusement. "So do you 'absorb' words like you 'absorbed' my appearance that one time?"

  
"Yes, I needed the basics of human biology and physical contact conveyed the information needed."

  
"So can you absorb words from me and get a more balanced knowledge of how to talk like a person?" Eda asked.

  
"I've been told absorbing knowledge from someone's brain is creepy."

  
"It's okay if you're just looking at words, I assume you didn't take all of Lilith's knowledge since you didn't know who I was." Eda held out her arm to me.

  
"Alright." I place a hand on Eda's arm. "...and Eda?"

  
"Yeah kid?"

  
"Thanks." I removed my hand as I finished. "...some of these words are new."

  
Eda raised an eyebrow. "I know words that Lilith doesn't?"

  
"She might know them but just doesn't use them enough to hold a significant place in her brain... Although I don't believe you've used them in front of me despite the prominent place in yours."

  
Eda thought about this for a moment, then her eyes widened. "...I just taught you swear words didn't I?"

  
"Fuck yeah!"

  
\---

  
After several minutes Eda's hysterical laughter died down, then she asked me not to use those words again. I don't entirely understand why she's against me swearing since she seemed to find it amusing but I trust she has her reasons.

  
As things grew quiet my eyes drift down to her prosthetic. I stayed out of her personal thoughts but I still wondered about them. Perhaps she'd share willingly if I asked?

  
"Eda, can you... tell me about your leg?"

  
"That's a loaded question kid."

  
"I'm sorry, it's just that Lilith seemed fixated on it."

  
"Talking about things that messed you up only helps if you do it on your own terms when you feel safe to do so."

  
"...You don't feel safe?"

  
Eda quietly stared out at the fireflies for a while. "...Say kid, do you want to learn how to use a sword?"

  
"You hit someone with the pointy bit right?"

  
"Yeah but with a bit of technique you can really use it to defend yourself, I know some fencing if you want to learn."

  
"Sure."

  
\---

  
Me and Eda stood in the field of fireflies as she handed me Owlbert, she showed me how to keep my sword hand pointed forward and keep the other hand behind me and pointed upward for balance, essentially functioning like my tail. The foot that matched my sword hand pointed forward, the other pointed to the side for balance. When moving sideways never cross my legs or I'll lose balance. Humans are apparently more aware than I realized about how badly designed they are for balance.

  
"Okay now lift your right leg and use the momentum to lunge forward to really get some distance, and extend your other arm when you do to stay balanced." Eda demonstrated while holding Owlbert's sheath in place of a blade.

  
I mimic her movement, then look back at her.

  
"Not bad kid." Eda picked up a small stick and walked in front of me. "Think fast!" Eda threw the stick at me.

  
"Eep!" I slashed the sword upward, just managing to hit the stick. I feel proud for a moment until the stick falls back down onto my head. "Ow..."

  
"Maybe you should try throwing the stick harder." King chimed in helpfully, watching from a short distance away.

  
"Try not to knock things straight up like that, try smacking things down and maybe a bit to the side so you don't hit your legs." Eda advised, then she threw another stick at me.

  
I manage to slash the stick down and to the right. "I did it!"

  
"Nice one! It won't win you any tournaments but if someone threatens you with a knife they might think you know how to use that thing." She takes Owlbert back and screws him back into the cane. "If someone threatens you with a gun you should run though, statistically speaking a human has a better chance of surviving a gunshot wound than getting kidnapped. I'm hoping a regenerating alien has even better chances than that."

  
"What's a gun?"

  
"I'll google up a picture for you later but it's basically something you should avoid."

  
\---

  
We returned to the car and watched the sunrise together.

  
"Earth isn't always great but it isn't so bad if you look in the right places." Eda spoke softly.

  
"It's beautiful." I gasped.

  
"Yeah..." King agreed as he slumped against me sleepily.

  
I leaned against Eda and we calmly watched the sun light up the world.


	12. An alien learns about Fairs

"So this shady government organization has your spaceship?" Gus asked incredulously.

  
I nodded my head. Gus and Willow came back the next day to make sure I was okay. I'm not but the desire to sulk alone is reduced. "Not much we can do about it now."

  
"Maybe we can sneak in and get it back?" Willow suggested.

  
I attempted to shake my head but my whole body shook a little at the suggestion. "I can't go back there."

  
Gus rubbed his chin. "Are you sure? Maybe you can shapeshift into someone who works-"

  
"I said no!" I winced. "Sorry."

  
"No it's alright Luz, you don't have to apologize for that." Gus patted my arm.

  
Willow held my hand. "Whatever you decide to do we'll support you."

  
"I'd like to decide to do nothing."

  
"Doing nothing isn't really a decision." Gus said.

  
"I disagree, sometimes you just need to wait things out." I look over at Eda. "How long would it be okay for me to stay here?"

  
"Until someone notices I have an unpaid 14-year-old worker with no identification living in my breakroom."

  
"Would it help if you paid me?"

  
"Probably not."

  
"Eda you could pay her a little." Willow said disapprovingly.

  
"If I don't pay her I can claim she's a volunteer helping out an old one-legged woman, that sounds _way_ less suspicious than just breaking child labor laws." Eda argued.

  
"...You aren't really a good person are you?" Willow deadpanned.

  
"I come out looking like a bad person no matter what I do here." Eda rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll give her about $20 for now but if anyone asks she's a volunteer. Also you need to keep an eye on her, she doesn't understand money and I don't want her getting ripped off."

  
"I guess that's fair." Willow crossed her arms grumpily.

  
Humans are actually kind of adorable, you'd think an agitated predator would feel threatening but I instead feel a sense of softness.

  
"Come on Luz, we promised there were more Earth adventures to be had right?" Gus nudged me with his elbow. "The fair is in town, if we aren't going on an epic ship recovering mission maybe we can get you some actual cotton candy, I want to see what happens."

  
"Please don't bring her back hopped up on sugar." Eda sounded concerned.

  
"No promises." Willow said teasingly as she took me by the hand and started to lead me out the door.

  
Before I crossed the threshold Eda put a hand on my shoulder. "If you kids stay out late again watch out for drunk drivers, people get stupid at fairs."

  
I contemplated my human vocabulary. "Drunk is... impaired in some way?"

  
"Just watch out for cars that swerve around erratically."

  
"Ah, okay then."

  
\---

  
We walked into this 'fair' as humans called it. After looking around I bit I started to realize something. "Is this like a festival?"

  
"I guess? I'm not sure about the exact differences between a fair and a festival. It's just kind of a gathering where people eat food, play games, have fun..." Gus listed off a few things.

  
"Do you have festivals on your world Luz?"

  
"We have something called the... well we don't use words but I think 'Long Day' would be the closest I can translate it, that functions like a festival."

  
"What's that? Are you gonna tell me cool alien things?" Gus asked eagerly.

  
"It's when my planet's orbit falls directly in between our two suns and day just transitions to more day and into more day after that."

  
"You have two suns? That's sooo cool!" Gus was surprisingly excited.

  
"It's just a normal binary star system..." I said bashfully, my human face heating up a little. "A red giant and a smaller white dwarf."

  
"Well we think it's cool." Willow put a hand on my back. "Now come on, let's enjoy this fair."

  
\---

  
"Earth animals are sooo cute!" I ran my hand along the coarse fur of the goat.

  
" _Luz, you might just want to call them 'animals' here._ " Willow whispered nervously.

  
"Right!"

  
Willow put a metal disc into a machine and retrieved a handful of pellets that she passed to me. "Here try feeding them." Willow guided my hands forward and the goat I was petting eagerly licked up what I assumed was food. I giggled a bit as it's tongue tickled my hand.

  
\---

  
"This is higher up than a bike!" I clung tenaciously to the back of some strange mount known as a 'pony.'

  
"You can do it Luz!" Gus cheered.

  
"Yeah, you're definitely not ending up in a thorn bush this time!" Willow said encouragingly.

  
\---

  
"I'm so sorry, I swear this never happens. Rose is normally a sweetheart." The human running the pony rides gently stroked the nose of the vicious beast while keeping a tight grip on the harness to keep it from getting out of control again, they softly made white noises at the creature. "Shhh, easy girl." The human fished something out of their pocket. "Here, this voucher can get you unlimited cotton candy for the rest of today, please don't sue." They handed me a rectangle. "I need to put Rose back in her trailer until she calms down, are you kids gonna be okay from here?"

  
Willow positioned herself in front of me to try and place the band-aids without the human seeing my glowing injuries. "Yes, you can take Rose away now." Willow said curtly.

The human hesitated for a moment. "If you're sure, but there is a medical tent if you want me to take you there?"

"We're _fine_." Willow insisted a bit more harshly, the pony-keeper decided not to press further and left. Once the human was gone she sighed. "I'm sorry you wound up in a thorn bush again Luz."

  
"It's okay, I heal fast and..." I waved around the rectangle and did a wink. "I think this might have been worth it."

  
"This sounds like a terrible idea, let's do it!" Gus pumped his fists into the air.

  
\---

  
"I can feel my human pupils dilating." I mumble through a mouthful of artificial cloud composed of sugar.

  
"That's not something you're supposed to be able to feel." Gus said in a concerned tone.

  
"I don't normally have pupils, maybe I just feel them more." I start chewing on the paper cone to get the last bits of flavor.

  
Willow carefully took it away like she was worried I might bite her, which is very silly and I wasn't even thinking of doing such a thing. "Maybe we should move to something else..."

  
\---

  
"Why would anyone ride a false pony in a circle?" I clung tenaciously to the back of this 'carousel' creature, my human fingers too rounded to properly dig into this... thing.

  
"It's supposed to be peaceful." Willow explained from the carousel next to me.

  
"Humans know nothing of peace..." I said darkly.

  
"Maybe this was a bad choice..." Willow rubbed her chin, somehow staying balanced despite her lax grip.

  
\---

  
"This sugar fluff technology may be the greatest human invention." I mumble into the cotton candy.

  
"Maybe you should slow down Luz..." Willow started to reach for the paper cone but I growled and her hand lowered.

  
\---

  
"So I launch water into the face of the nightmare creature?" I stare at the odd weapon in confusion.

  
"It's a clown." Willow clarified.

  
"You say that like she's wrong." Gus said.

  
\---

  
"Luz you can't put your face in the machine!" Willow yelled as she and Gus attempted to pull me away from becoming one with the cotton candy.

  
"I can try!"

  
\---

  
"Isn't this peaceful?" Willow sighed as we dangled precariously in a basket high in the air on a giant wheel.

  
I clung tenaciously to Willow's arm. "I don't want to tell you how to speak your own language but I'm _certain_ that peaceful is the wrong word." Gus was smart enough to not go on the wheel but Willow seemed to want me here for some reason and I didn't want her to be alone on this thing. I wonder if anyone would object to me climbing out of the basket to the more stable wheel? The basket jolted to a halt and swayed slightly near the top of the wheel's arc. "Is it supposed to do that!?"

  
Willow rubbed my back soothingly. "Yeah, do you want to look?"

  
I glanced out of the basket, then I took a longer look. I slowly sat up and realized I could see quite far. As I relaxed slightly I could start to appreciate the rocking motion. "Huh, it's not actually so bad... It's kinda like being held by my mom."

  
"I'm glad you're starting to enjoy it, can you maybe loosen your death grip on my arm? You're cutting off my circulation."

  
"Circulation?" I immediately let go. "Humans have blood!?"

  
"You probably shouldn't yell that."

  
"Is your circulation okay now? Oh no, if you have to amputate it won't grow back!" I was panicking worse than when I got on this thing.

  
"Luz please calm down, my arm is fine." Willow held up her hand and wiggled the fingers to demonstrate it's functionality. "It's just a little numb but that will wear off."

  
I gently took her hand and inspected it for damage, it seemed to be fine. I looked back at Willow. "Are you certain you'll be fine? Your face color is a little red right now..."

  
Willow squeaked a little. "Yep, yeah that is perfectly normal but for future reference you shouldn't call attention to someone's face turning red, it's considered impolite."

  
"I see."

  
I did not see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had that bit about Gus agreeing that clowns are nightmare creatures written before the Grom episode, the dude just has 'afraid of clowns' vibes.


	13. An alien learns about Cookies

It's late in the evening as we leave the fair, the smell of oil and hot sugar dwindles as the distance between us and the fair grows. I take a deep breath of the cooling night air. "I want to walk around alone for a bit."

  
"Are you okay Luz? I'm sorry, I know the fair was kind of a mess but-" Willow started to apologize.

  
"Oh no, the fair was lovely actually. I just kinda like that I can wander around outside without supervision." I put a hand on Willow's shoulder.

  
Gus looked concerned. "You are only 14 right? I'm not sure that's safe."

  
"I've been to a planet full of alien parasites that reanimate corpses to pilot around as hosts, and I've been to a planet that's alive and made of teeth, but Earth? That's apparently the scary one." I scoff and shake my head. "I'll be fine, the only thing to fear is terminal velocity."

  
"We have a similar expression on Earth. 'The only thing to fear is fear itself.'" Willow chimed in.

  
I tilt my head to the side. "You aren't afraid of terminal velocity?"

  
Willow shrugged. "That doesn't really come up in day-to-day life."

  
\---

  
I enjoyed exploring the human town at my leisure, as opposed to panicked sprinting about the road with threatening beings on my tail. As I reminisced I put a hand to the road, it still seemed to be burning hot from the day's heat yet not enough to cause injury. I stood back up, it's funny that this 'road' isn't actually a defensive measure, it could probably repel an enemy... Perhaps this is why humans have shoes? To avoid damage from their own constructs?

  
I walked along the sidewalk, it's like a street but for people even though people are already allowed to walk on streets. As I walked I started to hear additional footsteps echoing with my own. I glance over my shoulder and notice a human is also enjoying a late evening walk... wearing a jacket. This seems odd, I think humans feel cold more easily but not quite to that degree. I cross the street and glance back again, they also cross the street.

  
Is this an agent looking to recapture me? I didn't think my human disguise was compromised but I did frequently refer to humans like a different species several times very loudly throughout the day. Maybe Willow was right about not yelling about humans having blood from a height.

  
The mystery human suddenly stops. Just then I hear the sound of human shoes hitting the ground rapidly in front of me. "Hey! I've been looking everywhere for you!" I tense up, approaching me is a group of humans I've never seen before. Is it more Empyrean agents and I've been chased into a trap? Maybe my randomized human appearance actually matches up with an already existing human and I've been mistaken for them? As the leading person got close enough they quickly whispered. "Some creep is following you, pretend you know me." Her backup humans looked hostile but it seemed aimed behind me.

  
"O-oh, yeah hi! I'm definitely here now!" I glanced back again and the mystery human crossed the street, I couldn't make out their face but I feel they are still looking at me over their shoulder.

  
The new mystery human sighed once the other stranger was out of sight. "Are you alright?" I cautiously nod my head. This new human also had dark clothes unsuitable for hot weather, but it didn't seem to be with a purpose to conceal insidious intent. "My friends and I were going to Starbucks, how about you join us just in case that guy comes back?"

  
"O-ok... I um, my name is Luz."

  
"Amity."

  
\---

  
"You seem a little stressed." Amity seemed to be aware of my nervous glances out the Starbucks window. "Can I buy you a coffee?"

  
"I'm not really allowed coffee."

  
"Fair enough, it would probably just make you more jittery anyway." Amity pondered a moment. "How about a chocolate chip cookie then?"

  
"What's that?"

  
"A chocolate chip cookie?" Amity seemed baffled.

  
Boscha leaned over to Amity. "This girl's definitely a crazy shut-in."

  
"Pssh, I'm joking!" I waved off. "I'd love a... chip cookie. It's my favorite kind of... chip?"

  
Amity chuckled a little. "Okay Luz, I'll be right back." She stood up and left to acquire the... food? Chips and cookies seem to either be food terms or computer terms but this establishment seems to be food oriented so food is a safe bet.

  
I decided to attempt conversation. "So... Boscha..."

  
"Don't talk to me, I'm trying to take a good picture of my coffee." Boscha carefully angled her phone above her drink.

  
I decided not to attempt conversation. 

  
As Boscha continued her efforts to accurately document her beverage I went back to looking out the window until Amity returned. "Here you are Luz." She handed me a circular object.

  
"Thank you." I took the circle and sniffed it. This is almost certainly food. I take a careful bite and my eyes widen.

  
"Are you okay Luz?"

  
"This is amazing..." I shoved the rest of the chip into my mouth. Once I swallow the food I turn to Amity. "Thank you for this incredible gift."

  
"Well you fed the stray, she'll probably follow you home now."

  
"Shut up Boscha." Amity seemed agitated at her friend, before turning back to me with a gentle smile. "It's nothing, really..." Amity rubbed the back of her neck. "Your eyes really lit up over that cookie."

  
"No they didn't!" I cover my eyes in a panic, although the inside of my palm seems dark. Was that figurative human slang? I'd better act natural. I lower my hand to see a concerned look from Amity, and a few stares from her friends that were paying attention. "I-I mean, the food! It was good, very nice..."

  
"Yeah... You're welcome..." Amity said hesitantly.

  
\---

  
Amity used her phone to summon her siblings and offered me a ride home, introducing me to Edric and Emira. Their car vehicle smelled nice but I suspect the seats might be made of some kind of skin. Concerns aside I get in the back with Amity and curiously watch her siblings as they get in the front, the male sibling taking the pilot's seat.

  
"I didn't know humans had cloning technology." I poked the boy's arm.

  
The human boy Edric laughed. "Amity your new friend is a riot!"

  
"We aren't really friends." Amity crossed her arms.

  
"We aren't?" I asked in surprised disappointment.

  
"Aw Mittens, you made her sad." Emira turned around and stuck out her bottom lip at Amity.

  
"I-I mean we just met like an hour ago, it's a little too soon to just decide we're friends..." Amity looked down.

  
I stare out the window. "I suppose that's fair, sometimes you can know someone much longer than that and they'll still hurt you..." I rub at my wrist absently.

  
A hand touches my shoulder and I flinch away. Amity pulls her hand back at my reaction. "Sorry Luz, I didn't mean to startle you. Are you... okay?" Amity asked hesitantly.

  
"Oh, no it's fine I was just... somewhere else." I realize I'm still holding my wrist as if it was injured and I quickly let go. I attempted a human smile but it seemed more difficult than usual for some reason.

  
Edric cleared his throat. "So Amity should we drop you off at home first or your... not friend? I know how you are about following your curfew."

  
"Well..." Amity considered for a moment. "Do you have a curfew you need to make Luz?"

  
"What's a curfew?"

  
"That answers that! So we'll drop Mittens off at home and hang out with Luz." Edric said.

  
"You'll take her straight home." Amity said in a strict tone.

  
"Worried your 'not friend' will enjoy our company more?" Emira asked.

  
"Straight home."

  
"Fiiine." Edric groaned. I again find myself wondering what the protocol is for when drawing out a word like that is appropriate.


	14. An alien learns about Crop Circles

After Amity was dropped off at home she started walking to a very large house, she paused for a moment then turned back just a little to offer a small wave, as if she wanted to be secretive about it. I waved back but she was already walking away again.

  
"Say Luz, it seems a little early to go straight home... Perhaps you'd like to hang out a bit longer?" Emira moved into the back with me and casually rested her arm across the back seat.

  
"We were gonna pull some pranks, nothing too big just cow tipping and maybe make some fake crop circles. You in?" Edric offered.

  
I wasn't too sure about what 'cow tipping' and 'crop circles' were but I didn't want to look ignorant about Earth culture. "Yeah sure, I've never made crop circles before."

  
\---

  
Edric stood up after rolling on the ground among some Earth crops. "Yeah! Look at that perfect circle!" He curled his hand into a fist and moved it down and up enthusiastically. "Do you want to give it a try Luz?"

  
I lay on the ground and attempt to roll in a circle. "What is the purpose of doing this exactly?"

  
Emira chuckled. "It makes old man Adegast think aliens are messing with his crops."

  
I shot up. "What!?"

  
Emira made white noises at me. "Shhh! If we make too much noise Nevareth will come out."

  
"Nevereth?"

  
"Yeah, he's Adegast's grandson. He works out in these fields as a farmhand since his grandpa's getting a bit old for it." Edric chimed in.

  
Emira rolls her eyes. "Usually without a shirt."

  
Edric laughs. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

  
"Hey, who's out there?" A voice called out, a beam of light suddenly started to swept through the crops.

  
"Oh no, that's him." Edric says in an unalarmed tone. "I'll distract Nevareth, you guys get to the car."

  
"We can't just leave you!" I whisper back urgently.

  
Emira grabs my hand and we duck into the tall plants. "We need to go, Edric can handle this."

  
\---

  
"We shouldn't have left him..." I spoke solemnly, staring out the car window.

  
Emira chuckled softly from the pilot's seat, prepared for a quick getaway if needed. "Luz trust me, he's fine."

  
"How are you not worried about you're own brother? He's been gone too long, what if he's in danger?" Just then Edric finally got back to the car. For a moment I was relieved until I realized he had visible bruises. "Oh no Edric, you're hurt!"

  
"What?" Edric seemed confused.

  
"Your neck is all bruised up! Did Nevareth do that to you?"

  
Emira faced away from me and started shaking a little.

  
Edric rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh, no Luz I'm fine..."

  
I inspected the injury more closely. "Are... Are those bite marks?" I gasp in horror. "That savage!"

  
Emira suddenly started laughing so hard the car shook a little.

  
"How can you laugh at a time like this! Look at poor Edric, he's turning red!"

  
Emira wiped a tear from her eye. "You can explain this one to her."

  
Edric crossed his arms and slouched. "Why do I gotta do it?"

  
"Because you're the one with the bite marks!"

  
Edric sighs. "Fine..."

  
\---

  
"So... the purpose of a 'hickey' is to show you like someone?" I don't normally have a mouth but I assumed bites were only aggressive.

  
Edric gives a tired sigh. "Yeah, pretty much..."

  
"I see..."

  
After a long pause I spoke again. "So... would Amity enjoy being bitten?"

  
Emira immediately pulled the car over to the side of the road and started laughing hysterically. "Oh my god Luz!"

  
Edric was covering his mouth in an attempt to cease his own laughing. "Y-you'd have to ask her about that..."

  
\---

  
Eventually the twins dropped me off. Edric looked a little concerned. "Is this a store?"

  
"It's a store that is also a house."

  
"And you live here?" Edric still seemed concerned.

  
I remember that my stay here is conditional on noone knowing I stay here. I try to recall what Eda said before. "I volunteer to help the one-legged woman here, it's not suspicious." I clarify.

  
"...Riiiight." Edric said, elongating the word. I really need to learn the nuances of Earth words.

  
Emira took my hand and pulled out a marker. "Well Luz if you need help or just want to talk then call me." She then wrote down a series of numbers on my palm.

  
"Okay then, thank you."

  
Emira winked one eye at me. "See you around cutie."

  
Huh, my human face is heating up again. I wonder why that happens?

  
I walked into the building as the twins drove off. The lights are off when I enter but snap on once I'm inside. Eda is on a chair and spins around to face me, petting King who rests in her lap. "You were out very late young lady, where have you been?"

  
"After parting ways from Willow and Gus I wanted to stay out longer. I got to meet some new humans."

  
"You didn't refer to them as humans out loud did you?"

  
"Maybe? If I did then nobody noticed or cared."

  
"Is that a phone number on your hand? You weren't out with some boy were you?"

  
"I was out with one boy and one girl, they were twins."

  
Eda stared at me quietly for a moment. "...Okay that's kind of impressive but I should probably pretend to disapprove."

  
"Why?"

  
"I don't know, I've never been responsible for this long before." Eda tapped her chin a few times. "I guess because you're too young to stay out past midnight with teenagers?"

  
"In space this was never a problem." I crossed my arms in a human gesture of grumpiness.

  
"Well you're not in space just..." Eda sighed. "Look kid, I don't want you to feel trapped here but can you maybe just keep me posted if you wander around this late? I would've loaned you Owlbert to beat someone over the head with, or my old Nokia, which could also be used to beat someone over the head with."

  
"Nokia?"

  
"It's a phone, it's what you put a phone number into to talk to people." Eda got up and reached around behind the counter to pull out an object with several buttons. The item was different from other phones but maybe phone is just a general term for any communication device. Eda blew on the item and a small amount of dust flew off. She pressed a button and some sounds chimed out. "Thing's ancient but it still works, could use charging though. I'll teach you about it in the morning but for now I think we should all get some sleep." Eda put down the phone and locked up the door.

  
I returned to my normal form, although the number on my hand remained, and headed to the breakroom. "Fair enough, pleasant sleep Eda."

  
"Good night Luz."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most absurd ship I've come up with, granted this is more a case of Ed flirting his way out of trouble than an actual ship but still...


	15. An alien learns about Nicknames

The next morning Eda explained the functions of the phone to me. She saved the store's number in the phone so I could contact her, then added the number on my hand in case I wanted to contact Emira. She also deleted a number already in the phone citing that I 'don't need a dealer' and refusing to clarify further.

  
I put on my 'real alien' sign and started work. I pick up items to clean the dust under them using what seems to be feathers on a stick, humans are fascinatingly strange creatures. The door chimed as it opened and I hear Eda doing her usual greeting. "Welcome to Eda's Extraterrestrials."

  
"Hi um, does someone named 'Luz' work here?"

  
I put down the object I was dusting under and run out, nearly falling over in my haste. "Hey Amity!"

  
"Luz? Is that you in that goofy costume?"

  
I think for a moment. "Who else would it be?" Technically not a lie, Eda gives a slight nod. "What are you doing here?"

  
"This is where Ed and Em said they dropped you off, I just wanted to check up on you."

  
"Ed and Em?"

  
"Edric and Emira?"

  
"Oh, they have alternate names! Is this like when they called you Mittens?"

  
Amity's face reddened a bit. "Please don't use my embarrassing nickname in public."

  
"My apologies, I'll only use it in private then."

  
"Don't do that either."

  
"Okay."

  
Amity looked over my appearance. "Let me guess, you come from some crazy planet with 8 suns?"

  
"Well that sounds way over the top." I laugh a little. "It's just a normal binary star system. My planet orbits the big one and the smaller one orbits the big one in an even bigger orbit so it can just kinda turn up anywhere in the sky depending on the time of year and even appears at what would otherwise be night sometimes, or it can end up out of sight entirely behind the other sun." I make various gestures with my hands to try and convey my point but it's probably less clear than if I could just use my projector.

  
One of Amity's eyebrows moves up slightly. "...Did you brush up on astronomy just for this cheesy gimmick?"

  
"No, I just knew that offhand." After I say that I wonder if this is normal for a human to casually know.

  
"Impressive." Amity nodded her head in approval, it's probably fine.

  
The door chimes again, Willow and Gus walk in. I perk up at the sight of my friends. Willow starts to wave in greeting but stops and looks surprised. "...Amity. What are you doing here?"

  
Amity crosses her arms. "This is a store, and it's open. Is there a reason why I shouldn't be here?"

  
"You hate aliens." Willow said accusingly.

  
"You do?" I can't hide the disappointment in my voice.

  
Amity looks concerned at my tone. "I... wouldn't say I _hate_ aliens, I just don't believe in them. If you like them I won't judge."

  
"You have no problem judging _us_." Gus grumbled, he turned to me. "She's one of those alien skeptics that made fun of me for trying to show off my alien photo." Gus seems almost as agitated as Willow.

  
Amity rolled her eyes. "Well you'll have to excuse me if I don't believe intelligent life with the technology to travel lightyears would come all the way here just to mess up Mr. Adegast's crops and the only proof is one blurry photo."

  
I shrink away a little, but I return to a normal size before Amity notices, I'm pretty sure humans don't change size. Eda notices my distress. "Hey kid your shift is almost up, how about you go get changed?"

  
"Right, I'll go do that..." I quickly run into the break room and start glowing indigo in distress. Apparently I've attempted to befriend from two rival human groups and caused conflict. It's too bad Eda banned me from swear words, they seem applicable to the situation. After calming myself I change to human form and step back out.

  
"Hello friends... er... I guess Amity said we aren't friends..." I caught myself. "Hello friends and acquaintance with whom I am on friendly terms with!"

  
"Uh Luz... I uh..." Amity started to say something but hesitated. "Never mind, friendly acquaintances works for now."

  
"Is it too much? I can dial it back further if I'm being too familiar."

  
"No, no it's fine..." Amity trailed off an her eyes narrowed a little. "Is something written on your hand?"

  
"Yeah, Emira wrote her phone number."

  
"WHAT!?"

  
Amity and Willow spoke the same word in unison very loudly in what I suspect is an angry manner that startled me. I dove behind the counter to hide behind Eda, which is a perfectly normal response to being startled.

  
"Oh sorry Luz... I'm not angry at you." Amity sounded remorseful. I peeked out from behind Eda to see a sad Amity and Willow. "I didn't mean to scare you."

  
"It's okay Luz, I was just... surprised." Willow spoke soothingly.

  
"Pssh scared? I wasn't scared, just startled." I say convincingly.

  
"Hey kid, you might be a little more convincing if you weren't hiding behind me." Eda pats my head, smooshing my human hair.

  
I lightly smacked Eda with the Nokia phone. "I am plenty convincing because I'm truthful about not being scared, I just happen to enjoy the space behind the counter." I drum my hands against the counter for a moment. "Anyway..." I casually hopped over the counter and casually slipped and casually landed on the floor. "What brings you here Amity?"

  
"I wanted to ask if you'd like to go to the bookstore with me?"

  
"Sure!" I quickly agreed.

  
"But Luz I-um, that is to say me and Gus, were going to ask you if you wanted to hang out." Willow reached out a hand and helped me to my feet.

  
"Couldn't we all hang out at the bookstore?" I asked, unsure of why I needed to choose.

  
"I wasn't really inviting them..." Amity grumbled.

  
"Isn't it a public store that they could enter without permission?" I wondered.

  
Amity crossed her arms. "They can do what they want I guess..."

  
"A bookstore doesn't seem like a fun place for alien shenanigans." Gus grumbled under his breath.

  
Willow elbowed him in the side. "We'd _love_ to go to the bookstore."

  
"Great." Amity said in a tone that seemed to indicate things weren't actually great.

  
"Have fun with your girlfriends!" Eda said at an above-average volume despite me being right in front of her.

  
"I will." I say, pretending not to be confused.

  
Amity and Willow both seemed to turn red, I should do some research about this phenomenon, it seems to be happening more often.

  
Willow cleared her throat. "Luz, do you know what a girlfriend is?"

  
"A... girl who is a friend? I guess I still need to befriend Amity before I can call her that but-"

  
"No Luz, I mean... sometimes? I'll explain later."

  
"Okay."


	16. An alien learns about Books

The bookstore door chimes much like Eda's shop. "Why do some doors chime like that?"

  
"It's to let shop owners know who's coming and going." Willow explained.

  
Huh, it's a good thing Empyrean doesn't have chiming door technology, that could have been detrimental to my escape.

  
I regard the books with curiosity, like most other important human inventions they were rectangles. From what I've seen so far it seems like human entertainment can either be going in big circles or quietly enjoying a rectangle. I looked at a display labeled 'Fantasy' that has some books propped upright for more prominent viewing of their front pictures and titles. _The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe_ , _The Unfamiliar Familiar_ , _The Good Witch Azura_... Many books seem to bring up this 'witch' thing. What exactly is a witch? I picked up a book with a pretty cover and inspect it carefully.

  
"Oh, are you into The Good Witch Azura?" Amity curiously eyes my choice.

  
"I haven't read it before, is it good?"

  
"It's alright I guess." Amity looks away and crosses her arms.

  
Her tone reminds me of when she said we aren't friends before hanging out with me like friends, there is _definitely_ some unspoken aspect of human language that I'm not picking up. "What would you recommend?"

  
"I suppose I'd recommend Azura."

  
"But you seemed uncertain if it was alright?"

  
"Whatever, do what you want."

  
Well if Amity pretends not to like something while quietly approving it then it's probably good. "I think I want the Azura."

  
Amity turned away, but not before I caught a glimpse of a small smile. "Cool."

  
I turned to Willow. "Hey Willow, do you approve of my book choice?"

  
Willow is pulling a book titled 'Plants That Kill' from a shelf. "It's fine I guess." She speaks in an unpleasant tone but I can't quite figure out what has made her grumpy.

  
I nervously hold the book a little closer. "If you disapprove you can just tell me."

  
Amity looks grumpy now too, I think maybe it's related to the rivalry between their houses I suspected earlier but I have yet to confirm. They seem to be glaring at each other with anger, or maybe I'm misreading their human expressions. I haven't ruled out hunger. I wish I still had my rectangle of infinite cotton candy.

  
Gus pats me on the shoulder. "Hey Luz, can you come with me to the sci-fi section? There's a book I want on a slightly high shelf."

  
"Of course!" I said slightly louder than intended and quickly followed Gus.

  
"So where is this book?"

  
"I didn't actually need help, you just looked like you needed an escape."

  
"I was not restrained though?"

  
"A social escape, you looked a little scared."

  
"I see."

  
I did not see.

  
"Just give them a moment to cool down."

  
"That shouldn't take long, the temperature in this building is cooler than outside."

  
Gus suddenly took a bunch of air into his nose and released it in a whoosh through his mouth. "Figuratively cool Luz, figuratively."

  
"Oooh, so when the scientists talk about being cold as important to their work they weren't just complaining about the temperature?"

  
"Uh, yeah..." Gus seemed concerned.

  
"So if Willow and Amity need to figuratively cool then would that make them figuratively hot?"

  
Gus seemed to choke despite not eating anything. "Maybe don't go around calling anyone hot until you figure out human slang."

  
"Okay."

  
I decide to go back to Amity and Willow, as I make my way through the shelves I hear them talking.

  
"I know why you don't want me around Luz."

  
"Y-you do?"

  
"Look Luz is clearly traumatized by... something... She shows a lot of signs of having been through something bad, she flinches hard at surprise touches, compliments seem to scare her, yelling _really_ scares her... I won't press for details but I want to help her, truce?"

  
"Well... I'll think about it but you aren't exactly the first person I'd pick for support."

"Is this about the snowman incident? That one was more Gus's fault than mine."

"You ditched us!"

"I can't have arson on my record just because Gus is delusional! My parents would kill me! I'd be happy to hang out again when everyone forgets about it."

"You can't just be our friend when it's convenient!"

"That's easy for you to say! Your dads would probably forgive you for murder! My parents won't even talk to me for a week if I get an A minus."

As the yelling starts up I hesitate, maybe they still need a bit more time? I slip away and continue to browse books on my own for a little while as I contemplate what I heard. I didn't quite get what happened between those two but it seemed more complicated than the casual mockery they implied before. A ditch is a hole right? So she put Willow in a hole because they set a man of snow on fire? The only coherent thing I picked up is Amity talking about the way I act. I'm not surprised that some odd behaviors slipped through despite my best efforts to act normal but do I come across as traumatized?

  
I try to put it out of my mind and simply peruse. As much as I enjoyed the fair I really enjoyed the peacefulness of the bookstore, I wasn't fearing for my life at all.

  
"What do you think you're doing here?"

  
I really need to renegotiate swear word usage with Eda, there are many I want to use right now. I duck behind a bookshelf and briefly wonder if trying to turn myself into a book would save me or just draw attention. I cautiously peered through the bookshelf and despite the obstructed view I caught a glimpse of the last person on the planet I wanted to see, but his attention wasn't actually directed at me.

  
"This fanfiction of yours is why you don't have any friends, you need to fit in with society if you want to get anywhere in life!" His voice was as loud and unpleasant as ever.

  
"Just let me write about it dad!" A girl only slightly taller than me with black hair was standing her ground against Wrath fearlessly, her green eyes glared defiantly at him.

  
Wrath slammed a fist into the bookshelf I was hiding behind, a few books fell revealing his face. He glanced over at me and I ducked down. He wouldn't recognize me in human form right?

  
"Sir you can't go around punching the books. I'm going to have to ask you to pwease leave." A store employee drew Wrath's attention away.

  
"I was just leaving." The words seemed to be growled rather than spoken. Heavy footsteps stormed off.

  
I scramble away and hide in an isolated corner of this book maze. I look at my hand a moment and realize I'm shaking. I'm uninjured and he wasn't even after me this time but I can't stop shaking. I... was Amity right about me being traumatized? Normally that's something that happens from soldiers that fought wars not children exploring new places. Is it considered normal for Earth children to be traumatized? I'm so preoccupied trying to figure this out I fail to notice the footsteps approach behind me.

  
"Luz, are you okay?" I jump a little before I realize it's just Amity, she looks concerned. Perhaps I was gone a bit too long, or perhaps being huddled in a corner and shaking is a universal sign of distress.

  
"Yeah... Yeah I just, there was a guy yelling and punching things until the store guardian made him leave. He wasn't even yelling at me but I'm a little shaken."

  
"Store... what?" Amity was confused, but I was too withdrawn at the moment to figure out what I said wrong. "Hey, it's okay." Amity spoke softly, then she wraps her arms around me. I'm surprised for a moment but it doesn't seem like a hostile attempt at constriction. More like a protective constriction? It's an odd concept but it seems... right.

  
"What is this thing you're doing? It's very comforting."

  
I can't see Amity's face at the moment but there seems to be a subtle tightening in the hold she has me in. "Luz... has nobody ever hugged you before?"

  
I was a bit too zoned out to realize I admitted to not knowing a basic Earth thing, instead opting to snuggle closer and letting out a quiet trill.

  
"I-uh..." Amity coughs a little. "I'm glad you're uh... comforted. W-We should really get back to Willow though! She was kinda worried about you being gone too long."

  
I pulled back suddenly, although reluctantly. "Right! I shouldn't worry Willow with my absence!" My face feels warm.

  
"Yeah, yeah we shouldn't." Huh, I wonder when Amity's face turned red again? I'd like to figure out the correlation but Willow already clarified that I can't ask. I guess it will remain a mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figure the falling out between human Amity and Willow would be different since magic potential is less of an issue here, so I'm just using my noodle incident again.


	17. An alien learns about Fanfiction

Amity leads me through the book maze until we find Willow.

  
"Luz there you are! You didn't get lost did you?"

  
"Do people often get lost in the book maze never to return?" Perhaps the fair was the less dangerous option after all.

  
Willow pats my shoulder. "Don't worry about it, just stay nearby okay?"

  
The lack of an answer concerns me. "Okay."

  
After walking around a bit we encountered a section of the store designed as a designated reading area, it was well-lit with comfortable seating.

  
"Say Luz, maybe you'd like to sit down and read with me for a bit?" Amity sat down on a couch with two cushions.

  
"Hey Luz, over here!" Willow was on an adjacent matching couch, patting the open spot invitingly.

  
Oddly enough there seemed to be a couch with three cushions situated between the two couches Amity and Willow selected that they weren't acknowledging. "What about this couch? We could all fit comfortably on there?" I sit myself down in the middle.

  
Amity and Willow grumpily got up from their chosen couches to sit on either side of me, I'm not entirely sure why they were upset though. Perhaps they were embarrassed about ignoring the obvious solution? Gus made his way over to us. "Oh man, I'm feeling kinda left out over here."

  
"Oh, my apologies Gus. If you like I could move and you could have my seat?" I offered.

  
Amity and Willow both smack a hand into their respective faces, I wasn't sure why but I smack my face as well to avoid looking out of place.

  
Gus also puts a hand on his face but it seems aimed at his mouth to muffle his laughter, rather than joining in with the smack. "You don't have to get up Luz." Gus smiles mischievously. "In fact I bet I can squeeze in if Willow moves over a bit." Gus pushes Willow into me and I find myself in much closer proximity to both Amity and Willow. Gus seems faintly amused from his position at the end of the couch. "Isn't this much better?"

  
My attempt to speak fails and a trill comes out instead. Amity and Willow don't really respond either aside for turning red. I wonder if perhaps humans actually do use metachrosis as a communication method like I do but Lilith seemed baffled by the concept so I'd assume not.

  
I think my face is heating up again.

  
\---

  
The Azura book I picked up was fascinating, although I think perhaps my various gasps, quiet exclamations of 'yes, oh no, that fiend!' and miscellaneous cheers might have been above average enthusiasm for book reading, if Amity's extended period of staring was anything to go by. "Am I being too vocal?"

  
"No, I think you're fine."

  
"Are you sure? You've been staring for a while."

  
"What? That is definitely not a thing I was doing..." Amity's face became increasingly red. "I have to go... find a restroom!"

  
I watched Amity retreat for a moment before turning back to Willow. "I thought quietly reading on a couch was very restful, is it not normally?"

  
"It's... not that kind of rest Luz." Willow rubbed the back of her neck.

  
"What kind is it then?"

  
Willow reddened once again. "I... think Gus should explain this one to you! You're always telling him alien stuff so he should return the favor." Willow awkwardly grinned before leaving.

  
I watched Willow retreat for a moment before turning to Gus. "So what needs to be explained?"

  
"Well um... You see that thing behind you?" Gus points at something.

  
I turn around and ponder what Gus was pointing at. There are many things in that direction, one of the reading couches, a light fixture to aid in reading text, more bookshelves with books, there is even a shelf with thin rectangular containers that contain movie storage discs. I wonder if ET is available on a disc? I've heard that older movies are contained on rectangles. I wonder why humans love their rectangles so much? I turn back to Gus to ask for clarification on what he was pointing or maybe about rectangles but he is suddenly absent. I decide I should probably leave the couch too, if all my human friends are doing it at once I shouldn't draw attention by being the only one to stay. I think I'll wander off in the direction Gus pointed out in case I missed something.

  
I come out from behind a bookshelf to see the girl Wrath was yelling at. She was sat down on the floor with a book held to her chest and her head resting on her legs, the demeanor she had was different from when she was yelling at Wrath earlier. She referred to him as 'dad' indicating a familial relation, it probably isn't safe to get close... Although 'probably' not safe can also mean there is a chance it is safe, spoken language sure is funny like that.

  
I sit down next to her. "Are you okay?"

  
Her head lifts just enough for her eyes to show but she doesn't look at me. "I just want to write fanfiction about vegetables..." She mumbles into her knees.

  
"What is fanfiction?" I ask curiously.

  
"It's just like, fiction but based on things that already exist. I don't know, maybe it's just stupid..."

  
"It doesn't sound stupid to me. Maybe you can tell me about your fanfiction."

  
The girl's eyes lit up and her head lifts to look at me. "You really want me to talk about my fanfiction?"

  
"Yes."

  
The girl took a very deep breath. "It's about alien broccoli being brought to our planet by prehistoric alien crab people but then some humans from the future show up and have to cause the extinction event that wiped out the dinosaurs or else humans won't exist knowing that it would also take out the crab aliens." The girl spoke all the words in that one breath, not pausing once during that whole explanation.

  
"Wow, that sounds like a fascinating story."

  
The girl smiled. "I'm Franciska, but you can just call me Fanni."

  
"I'm Luz." I glance towards the door Wrath left through. "You were very brave to stand up to that scary guy earlier."

  
"You saw that huh?" Fanni sighed. "That's just my dad, he thinks my fanfiction is a waste of time." Fanni rolled her eyes. "He spent so much time fighting for weekend visitation and he doesn't even care about what I like! He's just a control freak who wants to spite mom." She opens the book in her hand to a random page with some Earth plants with faces, their mouths connected. "He just doesn't get it."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "I don't really get what's happening there either but it looks important."

Fanni smiled at me. "Thanks, that's the big climax where Brock Coli and Tom Ato finally kiss."

  
I contemplate whether to ask what a kiss is or just assume it's common human knowledge when Gus runs out from behind the shelf. "Luz! There you are!"

  
"Hi Gus! My new friend was just telling me about her fantastical fiction."

  
"That's not what fan is short for."

  
"Are you certain?"

  
The girl stopped to think. "I'll have to double check but I think it's short for fanatic."

  
"You don't seem like a fanatic, I think fantastic is a better descriptor for you."

  
"That's it, I'm making a whole damn character based on you! An amazing supportive friendly character who's really cool and mysterious and is just an absolute cinnamon roll!" Fanni scribbles furiously in her book, her eyes are a little watery. "Figuratively and literally!"

  
"Come on Luz, Willow is a little mad at me for losing you."

  
"Okay, bye Fanni!"

  
"Oh wait, Luz." Fanni tears out some paper from her notebook and hands it to me, it has a number sequence like the one Emira wrote on my hand. "If you want to know more about my fanfiction call me." She leans in close and gets a little intense. "I'll tell you _everything_."

  
"Okay, thank you." I offer one last wave as Gus starts pushing me away while nervously glancing back.

  
"Bye Luz!" Fanni waves a little before going back to frantically writing in her book.

  
\---

  
As we return I hear Amity and Willow talking again, I guess Amity is done resting.

  
"Was Luz homeschooled or something?" Amity asks.

  
"Why do you think that?" Willow responds.

  
"She didn't know what a hug is but has offhand knowledge of how a stable orbit works in a binary star system. I mean I get it, my parents are like that too, but even I wasn't too cut off from basic human affection to know what a hug is."

  
Oh no, she's getting suspicious. "I'm totally a basic human!"

  
"That's really suspicious to yell out loud Luz." Gus whispered.

  
Amity jumped. "Luz? How long have you been listening in?"

  
"How long have you been talking about me?"

  
Amity rubbed the back of her neck. "...Fair enough. Do you want to check out now?"

  
I pull out the wrinkled currency rectangle Eda gave me, it had a human face and the number '20' on it. "Is this enough currency for the book?"

  
One of Amity's eyebrows moved up. "...Yes but how about you let me cover it?"

  
"Cover it in what?"

  
"I'm paying for it Luz, okay?"

  
"Oh, thank you! That's very kind."

  
"It's nothing, really." As Amity took the book from me her fingers lingered on mine for a moment before she quickly turned around and headed for the register. I almost didn't catch her face turning red again.

  
I looked back at Willow, now one of her eyebrows was raised. I raise a singular eyebrow too. Willow reaches over and pushes my eyebrow back down with one finger. "You don't need to mirror what everyone else does Luz."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm naming the fanfic prisoner, as far as I know nobody else is making content for her yet including the show itself so I'm naming this character unless a canon source eventually gets around to it.


	18. An alien learns about Guinea Pigs

I walked out of the store with my friends... my friends and Amity? I wonder if it's too soon to ask if we're friends yet, this would never be a problem if everyone communicated through visions and emotions.

  
"Hey Luz?" Willow's voice drew me out of my thoughts. "I need to head home early, it's my Grandma's birthday so she's coming over for dinner."

  
"I'm going too, Grandma Park loves my card tricks!"

  
"Sure she does." Willow patted Gus on the shoulder.

  
"We'll be sure to stop by later with some leftover cake, you haven't _tried_ Earth food until you've had birthday cake."

  
Amity raised an eyebrow. "Earth food?"

  
Willow aggressively jabbed her elbow into Gus.

  
"I mean down-to-Earth... food. Willow's pop just makes really good simple birthday cake, none of that store-bought stuff."

  
"Oh, okay then." Amity stared at them for a moment longer before turning back to me. "Well maybe you'd like to hang out at my house then? Since they're busy and all."

  
"Sure!"

  
"Luz, can I talk to you for a moment?" Willow grabbed my arm and started pulling me away.

  
"Also sure!"

  
Willow pulled me a short distance away before whispering to me. " _Luz, you still aren't used to acting like a human. Do you really want to risk being alone with Amity and risk blowing your cover?_ "

  
"Blown... cover?"

  
" _Like if she found out you're an alien!_ "

  
"Oh that..." I glance back at Amity and she offers a little wave. I smile and wave back until Willow clears her throat. Willow has an expression of... concern I think? I'm still figuring out human facial expressions but it's definitely somewhere in the sadness range. "I think it'll be okay, Amity seems kind of nice."

  
"Amity is _kind of_ rich and uptight."

  
"Rich in what? Minerals? Water? I've heard that humans are mostly water."

  
"No, currency. Like the green thing Eda gave you?"

  
"I'm rich in friendship."

  
Willow's expression softened. "You are just too pure for this or any other world."

  
"Pure in what?"

  
\---

  
After parting ways from Willow and Gus I started walking with Amity back to her house.

  
"Your friends are kinda weird Luz."

  
"I think I'm kinda weird too."

  
"Well yeah but you aren't going around calling cake 'Earth food' or whatever." Amity raised two fingers on each hand and curled them a couple times, I don't know what it means. "I think Gus might be obsessing over aliens a bit too much."

  
"Aliens are cool though right?" I ask hopefully.

  
"Well yeah, it'd be cool if there was life on other planets but it's not like some little green guy from Mars is gonna show up and steal cows."

  
"Well of course not, Mars isn't life supporting right now."

  
She lightly shoves my arm. "But that's the only thing wrong with that statement?" Amity grins, any other creature would only bare teeth and make direct eye contact as a threat but despite the mildly nervous feeling in my core it also makes me feel good for some reason, I can't even imagine what color I'd be if I was in my normal form.

  
"I don't see why not, cows probably hold better conversation than some humans." I tease.

  
Amity laughs hard at this, holding her side with one hand as the other weakly clutches my shoulder as she leans on me for support. As I can't take my eyes off her I slowly realize something.

  
Earth is much better than the corpse-worm planet.

  
\---

  
The first thing I noticed when entering Amity's home was how... clean and white it was. This shouldn't unnerve me, after all my ship is kept clean and the fresh snowfall on my home planet had the same color (if you ignore the fact that ice crystals are technically clear not white) so the color of plain white should have been normal to me.

It should have been, and yet I feel deeply on edge.

  
Amity seems to pick up on my nervousness. "I know this place is a little bigger than it needs to be, even _I'm_ afraid of sitting on the wrong couch sometimes and I _live_ here." She rubs the back of her neck and laughs awkwardly, a much different sound than she made before. "My room's a little more comfortable, come on."

  
I followed Amity up the stairs and into a room, the walls were a dark pink color and decorated in pictures instead of white and barren. There was even a picture of the Azura book I just got despite her unconvincingly acting indifferent about it. It's odd that some humans act friendly to hide malice while some act aloof to hide their interests. I wonder if their predator instincts compel them to hide for more hunting opportunities or if maybe they're scared too?

  
I take note of a picture of Amity with brown hair, more evidence that humans can change color although the trigger for it is still unknown. Perhaps it's an adolescent coat changing to an adult color? Whatever it is seems to be more gradual that the seemingly random instances of humans turning red.

  
There was a cage containing a small creature, it had similarities to King's host but with small ears, no horns, and a more flat appearance, it was simply a blob of black fur. "What's this?"

  
"That's Abby, she's my guinea pig."

  
I peered into the cage, then suddenly a steady high pitched noise sounded off and I jerked away so hard I fell over. "It's got a proximity alarm!"

  
Amity started laughing, it sounds relaxed again. "No they just sound like that." She held out a hand and helped me to my feet.

  
"Oh."

  
"Would you like to hold her?"

  
"Yes."

  
Amity handed me some folded-up fabric. "Hold this towel." Then she opened up the cage and removed Abby, this small helpless-looking prey animal seemed perfectly comfortable being held in Amity's hands. For a species that's allegedly the top predator on the planet it seemed odd that they have such a calming touch.

  
Unless that's their advantage?

  
Probably not, when Wrath boasted of humanity's capabilities as predators he wasn't comforting. Although... Lilith seemed to touch my head and shoulders a fair amount, especially when she wanted something. I looked at the Guinea pig in my hands, it seemed content despite being imprisoned for unknown reasons. Is this what humans do? Just act soft and gentle to capture their prey?

  
"Luz are you okay?"

  
"What?"

  
"You're shaking a little, Abby isn't gonna bite."

  
I didn't actually consider that. I crane my head to look at Abby's mouth, she yawned to reveal teeth that seemed unusually long for it's size. "Those are some big teeth for something that doesn't bite."

  
"Here, I'll take her for a bit, how about we just relax and watch TV for a bit?" Amity took the towel from me and sat down on a couch. I cautiously sat next to her. Amity pulled out a remote and turned on her TV, then passed the remote over. "You can pick whatever you want."

  
It had been a while since I had accessed a TV, and it wasn't entirely with permission, but I figured out the functions well enough. I raised the channel number until settling on a cartoon, the brighter colors and exaggerated facial expressions made it easier to watch, although I still found my eyes drifting back to Amity.

  
The small creature in her lap seems to have fallen asleep. I wonder what goes through it's mind. Is it making the best of a situation it can't control? Or is it truly content? Visually it seems no different than King falling asleep with me in the cot, or when I sleep in Eda's bed. I reach over and stroke the Guinea pig's fur and it wiggles slightly as it snuggles further into the towel. Amity smiles softly, I don't know if it's aimed at me or Abby.

  
I move over until my shoulder is just touching Amity's and allow myself to relax a little. Humans might be dangerous predators, and they might be soft and cuddly, maybe they are simply adaptable like my own species. I think for now the best I can hope for is that they aren't all bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I wrote 15,000 words in my first week, I should be able to stay ahead of updates no problem.  
> My brain: Do you think the reason Professor Maelstrom dressed like a clown in the recent season of Carmen Sandiego is because he was voiced by Tim Curry in the old cartoon who also played Pennywise in the original IT? It wouldn't be the first time they made a voice acting reference. Say remember that episode of El Tigre where Manny and Frida try to help a villain romance a bear? Did that actually happen because that's weird, better rewatch the whole show. New ideas for the fanfic! Not this one though. Anyway I'm gonna play an infinite loop of the Underdog theme song now. Oh btw it's November now and you're out of linear chapters.  
> Me: Fair enough.
> 
> Anyway I'm no longer ahead with this fic so if the schedule suddenly veers off from consistent weekly updates it's because my brain stopped 'being in the flow' and now takes an hour and a half to look up Amity's wall color (Purpleish maroon? Desaturated fusia? Dark magenta? I'm still not sure).


	19. An alien learns about Cake

I stir awake slowly to the feeling of some of my human hair being moved out of my face. After taking a moment to get my bearings I realize I've fallen asleep from a mostly upright position, still in my human form fortunately, at an unfamiliar location, yet it was surprisingly restful.

  
I open my eyes and Amity quickly moves her hand away and acts like she was just watching TV. I lift my head from her shoulder. "My apologies, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

  
"It's fine, you can fall asleep on me anytime." Amity winces. "Not that I want you to it's just... I don't mind it? Not in a weird way though." She got quiet for a moment. "I've been talking too long."

  
"I appreciate it, I was out late last with your siblings."

  
Amity pinched the bridge of her nose and made a groan noise. Humans have such strange mannerisms, I wonder if they just make them up as they go? "I suppose I didn't entirely expect them to bring you straight home yet I'm still disappointed." Amity sighed and shook her head side-to-side. "What did you even do with them?"

  
"I learned about crop circles and Edric explained what a 'hickey' is."

  
Amity became very red and angry looking. "Excuse me for a moment." Amity got up, carefully put away Abby into the cage, and left the room.

  
As I sat there I started to hear distant angry yelling, laughing, and running around. I choose to remain in this spot and not go anywhere near whatever's happening, humans can be crazy in a location that isn't mine.

  
\---

  
After Amity returned from whatever she ran off to do we got comfortable and read my new book together. It seems like it should be more relaxing than running around and yelling but I can feel her heartbeat. Perhaps humans are territorial and she doesn't want to be this close? It'd be weird since she suggested this.

  
Emira poked her head into the room. "Hey Mittens, hate to interrupt your date..."

  
"It's not a date and you don't hate interrupting." Amity interjected.

  
"If it's not a date why are you practically on top of each other?"

  
"We're reading my new Azura book, the close proximity is so we can both read it."

  
"She has her own-"

  
"What did you want?" Amity quickly cut off whatever Emira was saying.

  
"Your tutor is here."

  
"What?" Amity turned to look at a numbered circle on the wall. "I can't believe I lost track of time."

  
"I know right? Normally you can't stop staring at the clock when you have friends over." Emira glanced over at me. "I guess you had something else to stare at?"

  
"Like the book?" I guessed, holding it up. The book seems like a more entertaining thing to stare at than this 'clock' but I can see how a number circle and a word rectangle might be comparable. If there's one thing I've learned from the fair it's that humans tend to like things that go in circles.

  
Emira laughed. "Right, I'm sure that's it."

  
Amity started shoving her sister out of the room, I didn't even notice her get up. "You can go now." She muttered something I didn't quite catch but I'm pretty sure there were very quiet threats, Emira seems amused rather than alarmed though.

  
Amity sighs once the door closed. "Sorry Luz, you'll have to head... home? Back to Eda's? Wherever it is you go." A look of concern crossed her face. "You do have a place to go right?"

  
I'm still not supposed to tell anyone I live with Eda, although confirming that I go someplace should be fine right? The longer I take to answer the more concerned she looks so I need to say something. "I definitely have a place, that I sleep, in a location."

  
She looks even more concerned from the answer than my hesitance to give one. "Do you sleep in a bed?"

  
"Sometimes."

  
"Luz..."

  
"I should go, you have a tutor to learn things from."

  
"...Right, okay."

  
We leave her room and head down the stairs, my eyes are pointed down at my feet, stairs are quite strange and I should focus on not falling over with this clumsy tailless biped body. There is absolutely no other reason to avoid looking at Amity.

  
As I reach the bottom of the stairs I start to look up only to find something almost as intimidating as making eye contact with a friend after an awkward social encounter.

  
Lilith is standing in front of me.

  
"Sorry I'm running late Miss Lilith, I lost track of time."

  
"That's quite all right, your parents pay by the hour."

  
I glance back up the stairs, wondering if I could leave out the window in Amity's room before Lilith notices anything strange about me.

  
Amity noticed I was looking back up the stairs. "Oh, we forgot your book back in my room didn't we? I'll grab it real quick, I'll be right back Luz." Amity ran back up the stairs, I think I just gave her the social escape I needed.

  
I'm stuck standing next to Lilith.

  
I keep my face expressionless, it isn't too difficult considering I'm not quite in the habit of using it yet. Keeping myself from shaking is a bit more difficult but I think I can manage until Amity returns. My eyes drift to Lilith's face and I find she's already looking at me. I avert my eyes quickly. No expressions, just a normal human here, but don't say that out loud this time.

  
"So... Luz is it?" Lilith's voice is neutral, bored almost. If she suspects me she hides it well.

  
"Yes." I don't think humans are meant to squeak but that is definitely the noise I made.

  
"You seem... outside of Amity's usual social circle. How long have you known her?"

  
Just don't squeak this time. "Not very long."

  
"Interesting." I can't tell if she actually found that interesting or if she isn't paying attention, her tone is too deadpan to make it clear.

  
If I escape this situation to see Eda again, I'm going to demand swear word usage because there are many I would use for this situation. "So... do you enjoy... being a tutor?"

  
"It's alright, I prefer my... other job but it doesn't pay as well."

  
I caught her hesitance, if I keep her defensive maybe she won't ask me anything else about myself. "What is your other job?"

  
"I'm a scientist, I can't go into specifics but let's just say important research takes funding and sometimes I need to keep my wealthy donors happy." Lilith cleared her throat. "Do you live in the area?"

  
"I'm not supposed to tell strangers where I live." I respond neutrally.

  
Lilith just stares for a moment. I'm afraid my last answer was too suspicious but then she lets out an amused chuckle. "Fair enough."

  
To my relief Amity finally returned. "Here's your book."

  
"Thank you very much, I should go." I grabbed the book and quickly move for the door.

  
"Oh... Okay then... I'll meet up with you tomorrow at your work?" Amity asked hopefully. "I mean, just if you want to hang out again, you don't have to..."

  
I hesitated by the door, I didn't want to risk another encounter with Lilith. I look back at Amity, I see bioluminescence all the time but I don't think I've ever seen a brighter pair of eyes. "I'd like that." The words are out of my mouth before I consider them. I offer one last little wave before I walk out the door.

  
Once the door closes behind me I nearly collapse, that was the fastest I've ever gone from feeling well-rested to complete exhaustion.

  
\---

  
I trudge through the door of Eda's shop like gravity increased ten-fold. I walk past Eda sleeping at the counter and head into the breakroom, sticking my head into the fridge for the comforting cold it offers as I finally relax into my real form. After a moment I open my eyes and notice something new is here, nestled between a jug of white liquid and a jar labeled 'not pickles' is a brown object with a shinier brown substance on the top and a piece of paper next to it. I grab the paper and notice it had words on it. 

  
'Luz, we got you some chocolate cake! It will blow  
your  
mind!  
Love Gus+Willow  
P.S. It won't literally blow up your mind, that just means it's really good.'

  
Huh, it looks similar to dirt and mud, odd choice for a food. I hope 'down-to-Earth' food is also meant to be non-literal.

  
Not that I've tried eating dirt of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alien hunting isn't the best-paying gig, especially when you lose your only aliens right after catching them, so some Empyrean agents have second jobs.


	20. An alien learns about Fridges

The door to the fridge opens. "Kid, please don't close yourself in here."

  
"Why?"

  
"You'll suffocate probably?" Eda shrugs. "Look I know maybe five things about raising kids and half those things are 'don't let them climb into your antique fridge'"

  
"Suffocate? Do humans breathe?"

  
"Usually."

  
"Huh, well I don't."

  
"Well then half of those rules are irrelevant."

  
"So there's one and a quarter of a rule that say I need to leave the fridge?"

  
"...Just get out of there, you can't sleep on my bologna."

  
"Can't as in you don't think I can or can't as in not allowed?"

  
"The second one."

  
I skulk over to the cot. "Oooh look at me, I'm sleeping in a _cot_ like a _human_."

  
"Oh no, you're learning _sarcasm_ , soon you'll be indistinguishable from humans and you'll destroy us from within." Eda mocked right back.

  
"Maybe I will." I form a mouth just to stick my tongue out, then morph it away.

  
Eda starts laughing first, and I join in, a yellow-green glow accompanying my laughter.

  
\---

  
"King, why do you think humans love rectangles and squares so much?" I ask out loud as I stare at the ceiling above the cot.

  
"I don't know Luz, why do you hate sleep so much?"

  
"The entire ceiling of this room is squares, and the floor is also squares."

  
"I'm sleeping, this is what I look like when I'm sleeping."

  
"The signs on the road are also mostly rectangles except the red ones, like someone was making signs and decided just this one should be an octagon."

  
"I'm sleeping elsewhere." King hopped his way out of the room, but I still wish to talk. On the counter I spot the solution, a scrap of paper and the Nokia.

  
\---

  
I enter the human code Fanni gave me into the phone and press my ear to it. I hear the ringing for a moment until a voice answered. "Hello?"

  
"It's Luz, I hope I didn't interrupt your sleep cycle."

  
"Nah I'm still awake, it's only... Oh it's 1:30, well never mind that. What's up?"

  
"I can't sleep and want to talk but my housemates prefer sleeping, can you tell me more about the fanfiction?"

  
"Yes! Er, I mean sure, cool. What do you want to know exactly?"

  
"I don't know where to start, can you just tell me everything?"

  
A high-pitched noise comes out of my phone, I worry that it's a malfunction until I realize that it's just Fanni, apparently that was a human noise.

  
After about three hours of talking that made me question if humans actually need to breathe I started to hear soft snores come through the communicator replacing the enthusiastic lecture of fanfiction. "Pleasant sleep friend." I whisper into the phone before I deactivate the Nokia and set it aside.

  
\---

  
I change to my human camouflage as I step into the main store and sit by the window. I wonder if I'd be able to see my home star without the light pollution blocking a good portion of stars, probably not but it doesn't stop me from trying to look towards home.

  
If you remove a plant from the dirt it grew from and keep it for yourself it will only wither, I feel like I might wither away without my home too.

  
I think of my home, my mother and the warmth of two suns and the cold of the ice and oceans. Yet thinking of home also brings thoughts of Willow and Amity and Gus and Eda and King...

  
Also cotton candy, and maybe the toaster. I wonder what would happen if...?

  
I'm so absorbed in the stars I could almost be surprised by the approaching footsteps, aside for how distinctive and loud they are in the quiet morning. Wood cane, wood foot, somewhat muffled by slipper foot, cane, wood foot, slipper.

  
"Kid? What are you doing up so early?"

  
"It's early by the standards of today, but it's late by the standards of yesterday."

  
"Luz?"

  
"Yes Eda?"

  
"Did you sleep at all?"

  
"No."

  
"Do you need sleep?"

  
"Probably."

  
"...Do you want to watch the sunrise again?"

  
"I'd like that."

  
\---

  
Window goes up, window goes down, the button clicks under my finger as I ignore Eda's concerned look. It's quite odd that human cars are designed with powered windows but not houses. Window goes up, window goes down.

  
"So what has you frazzled this morning?" Unfortunately Eda wants to ignore my ignoring.

  
I let the window go all the way down and rest my head where it was. "I saw Lilith yesterday."

  
After a moment of hesitation I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

  
I find the words spilling from me before I can stop them. "She tutors Amity, I risk seeing more Lilith by spending time with her but I don't not want to spend time with Amity but if Lilith catches me I can't spend time with anyone because I'll be back in the lab!"

  
Eda pats my back a few times. "Easy there Luz, take a deep breath."

  
I grab her arm. "I don't breathe Eda!"

  
"Erm, okay then, do a different thing to calm down?" Eda looks around for a moment. "Try counting the fireflies?"

  
I look out at the field and see the tiny specks of light go on and off. "I... think there's eight? Maybe seven? Wait, I think it's nine." It's hard to count them when they only light up for a moment. "Why does the number matter?"

  
"It doesn't, but do you feel a little calmer?"

  
I shake my head. "I don't know... maybe?"

  
"Try counting the cacti."

  
"They're the spiny plants right? I can't tell which ones have needles from here."

  
"Just count the tall ones over there." Eda pointed out the window.

  
I try to repress the frustration that threatens to shine from under my skin, I can see an orange glow in my eyes reflect in the side mirror for just a second before I get it under control. "This doesn't solve anything!"

  
"It won't get solved by panicking either." Eda ruffled my hair, I make it spring back into place and she covers her mouth to hold back a laugh. I smile a little at this.

  
I refocus myself on the field for a while to give Eda's idea one more try. It's hard to make them out in the dark but the sky is slowly growing lighter. "Twelve."

  
"It's thirteen actually, that one over there has a cactus behind it."

  
I lightly shove Eda. "That's cheating."

  
"It's cheating for a cactus to grow behind another cactus?" Eda smirked at me.

  
I chuckle. "Yes, it is."

  
Eda smiles gently at me. "That fear of getting hurt again won't go away overnight, it may never go away. I can't even guarantee that nothing will hurt you again because that's just life." That was not comforting in the least. "But you can't let it stop you from being with people you enjoy being with. If nothing else I'll do my best to keep you safe, from the government at least, I can't protect you from yourself if you keep playing with the toaster." That was marginally more comforting.

  
"Thanks Eda, I'm ready to go home now... Er the store home? The store that is also your home that I stay in."

  
Eda nodded and started the truck, the radio coming alive to boast it's selection of the greatest hits of the 80s, 90s, and today. As wind blew in my face and my head vibrated while it rested in the open window I felt a little more at ease and I let my eyes close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da, I only missed one update in a weekly updated fic. I think I'm staying above average with updates all things considered.


	21. An alien learns about The Internet

"Eda, I have questions about life, the universe, and everything."

  
"42." Eda replies sleepily as she pushes the coffee buttons of her coffee machine.

  
"What?"

  
"Never mind, what exactly are you asking about?"

  
"I've found that the more time I spend with humans the more questions I have." I clarify. "How does a circulatory system work? Why are humans the top predator? What is the purpose of slapping oneself in the face?"

"...I'm just gonna give you access to the internet for an hour and whatever happens happens, try not to turn off safe search."

  
\---

  
The seemingly infinite database of human knowledge known as 'the internet' Eda gave me was quite informative, although I somehow feel I know less about humans than when I started. A fair amount of this information is false too so critical thinking is required.

  
Though I fear that critical thinking may not be King's strong suit.

  
I was vaguely aware of Willow and Gus entering the shop at the chime of the door but at the moment my focus was not on them, I was in the midst of a heated debate with my dear traveling companion.

  
"King, we saw the planet on our way in, it's _not_ flat!" Granted heated debates aren't necessarily synonymous with intelligent debates.

  
"I don't know Luz, flatisjusticelol69 raises some good points."

  
"Flat planets aren't a thing! We are actual space travelers King! Why are you like this?"

  
Willow was behind me now. "Uh... Luz?"

  
I hold up a hand at Willow. "Give me a moment, I'm winning."

  
"No you aren't!"

  
"Refusing to give up isn't winning King!"

  
"I disagree!"

  
Eda was at the register with a coffee pot in one hand and her coffee mug in the other. She wordlessly set the mug down on the counter and proceeded to drink directly from the pot.

  
Gus put a hand on my shoulder. "Luz, you may want to stop. I think King's just arguing for the sake of winning rather than trying to be right."

  
"...Perhaps." I turn to look at Eda, who seems to be shaking the last drops of coffee into her mouth.

  
"Kid, sometimes arguing with idiots only makes you look like one, you gotta pick and choose your battles... Preferably something that doesn't involve _this_ much shouting _this_ early."

  
"Okay fine, you win King! The Earth is flat!"

  
"I don't know Luz, now I'm starting to think that doesn't sound right. I think we should start this discussion from the top." Suddenly his long ears turn back nervously. "You know what? Never mind! We both could use a break and I just learned what potato chips are yesterday so I'm going now." King backs away until he vanishes into the breakroom, leaving me confused at his sudden change in demeanor.

  
I feel a poke on my side and notice Gus staring curiously at me. "Why are you orange?"

  
"What?" I glance down at my arm. "Oh, oh I'm sorry." I close my eyes for a moment and try to calm myself. "Ok it's fine, it's good, I'm _not_ angry."

  
Gus tilts his head to the side. "Wait you turn orange when you're angry? Not red or something?"

  
"Why would I turn..." I pause as I process this. "Wait do humans turn red when angry?"

  
Gus shrugs. "Sometimes?"

  
That makes sense, so Willow was mad I cut off her circulation and that's why I shouldn't ask about it, and Amity... Well she always seems to be red but at least a couple of those seemed like anger responses when her siblings were involved.

  
Willow cleared her throat. "There are other reasons a human might get red."

  
"Like what?"

  
"Oh you know, just other strong emotions in general..." Willow said vaguely.

  
"So is Amity's red an angry red or some kind of mystery emotion red?"

  
"Whatever it is I'm sure you don't need to think about this too hard." Willow attempts to shut down the discussion.

  
"Wait, I have an idea." I grab the Nokia and select the contact for Emira.

  
After a few rings I hear Emira's voice. "Hello?"

  
"Hi Emira, it's Luz."

  
"Oh hey Luz, Amity just left to see you."

  
"Is that Luz? Hi Luz!"

  
"Edric says hi."

  
I lit up at hearing Amity was coming but I try to stay focused. "Actually I wanted to ask about Amity, does she turn red when angry?"

  
"Oh yeah, when Mittens gets mad she's all rmmmmm-" I hear a quiet whump.

  
"Is everything all right?"

  
"Yeah Ed just held his breath until he turned red and passed out, probably not what he meant to do but he did overlook the fact that you can't actually see him so I'd hate to give him too much credit. So you think you made Amity angry?"

  
"I don't know, she just turns red a lot and I'm trying to figure out what it means."

  
I hear muffled laughter followed by the sound Emira clearing her throat. "Well that is certainly a mystery, good luck with that."

  
"Thank you."

  
"No no Luz, thank _you_. We should talk more often, this will be fun to hold over her head."

  
"What are you holding over Amity's head?"

  
"Never mind that, bye Luz."

  
"Ok, bye then." I deactivate the phone and set it down. "Her siblings don't know either."

  
Gus's cheeks puffed slightly and he snorted as he held back a laugh. "Yep, it's a real mystery."

  
"Yes, Emira said the same thing while trying to muffle her laugh. Are mysteries considered humorous to humans?"

  
"If Scooby Doo is to be believed then yes." Gus nods.

  
I stare blankly for a moment as I consider if this line of questioning is worth it before deciding to drop it. "Also she said Amity is on her way over."

  
"Are... Are you wagging your tail?" Willow is giving me a look, I don't know what the look means but it is very much a look.

  
"I'm not wagging my tail." I said, not wagging my tail. I morph myself to human form, because Amity will be here soon, not to hide my tail that isn't wagging.


	22. An alien learns about The Town Pool

"Say Luz, is there anything you'd like to do today? You seem a little stressed." Willow asked.

  
"I don't know, whatever's fine." I shrug.

  
"Well is there anything from your home planet that you miss?" Gus asked. "Maybe you have some cool alien sports you could show us?"

  
"I suppose I haven't gone swimming or climbed a glacier in a while."

  
"A glacier may be a little hard to find but swimming sounds doable, we could go to the town pool!" Willow suggested.

  
"I didn't know humans could swim, you don't seem designed for it." I grab Willow's hand and inspect it, I can't imagine how a human could propel themselves in water.

  
Willow's cheeks get a little red, maybe I'm being too grabby with her hand? She isn't pulling away though... I'm gonna just hold on a moment longer, for science. Willow clears her throat. "Most can... I think... I don't know the exact ratio of people that can or can't swim."

  
"You'll need a swimsuit, or you'll need to know what a swimsuit looks like so you can shapeshift one I guess? Specifically you'll need a girl's swimsuit." Gus explains.

  
I release Willow's hand to grab the computer and use the Google to search images of girl swimsuits.

  
Eda glances over. "I'm gonna have weird stuff in my search history aren't I?"

  
"Only if it's weird to research what happens when a toaster goes in the microwave." I respond absently as I browse pictures.

  
"That one _might_ actually be a normal internet trend." Gus pointed out.

  
"I _might_ need to hide my appliances." Eda quietly added.

  
Without getting up from the computer I stretch my arm several feet over to where I left the Nokia. Eda flinches in surprise and quietly says some words I'm not allowed to say as she moves away from my arm while Gus seems awestruck.

  
"Does anyone have the number to communicate with Amity?"

  
"Yeah, she's still in my contacts but Luz, are you sure you want to spend this much time with someone who doesn't know you're an alien?"

  
"Are you saying I should tell her?"

  
"That's not... Never mind, here's the number." Willow held up her phone to me and I added the number to my own contacts. I call the newly acquired number.

  
"Who is this and how did you get my number?"

  
"It's Luz and I got it from Willow, is that all right?"

  
"Oh, Luz! Sorry about getting snippy, I was worried about spam."

  
"Yes, canned meat is concerning." I nod my head in agreement.

  
Amity laughed at that. "So what's up?"

  
"There is a ceiling, and above that ceiling I believe is a bathtub. On an unrelated note we're going swimming today so you need a swimsuit."

  
"Swimming?"

  
"Yes, is that okay?"

  
"Yeah of course, I look forward to seeing you in a swimsuit. I mean I look forward to seeing _you_ , the swimsuit isn't important! Igottagobye." She disconnected the phone before I could respond.

  
I set the phone down. "She looks forward to seeing me with or without a swimsuit."

  
Willow makes a choking sound and Gus laughs so hard he starts to cry. "I can't breathe." He wheezes out.

  
I'm concerned for both of them. "How long can humans go without breathing?"

  
"Like three minutes?" Eda guesses.

  
"Nooo!"

  
\---

  
The four of us arrive at the town pool, which is unsurprisingly a big rectangle, but as unnatural as it seems I'm happy to see a body of water again.

  
I follow Gus to a storage area and he grabs some sort of fake animal filled with air and a foam stick. "We're having a pool noodle joust."

  
" _Would a normal human know what that is?_ " I whisper with my usual confused tone.

  
"Probably not." Gus shrugged. "Basically we sit on inflatable animals and try to knock each other into the water with pool noodles." Gus waved a brightly colored curved stick.

  
I stare at him for a moment. "I suspect that even if I used telepathy to look directly at your thought process I'd still come to the conclusion that humans are nonsensical."

  
"...That's fair, and also really cool please show me your telepathy."

"Maybe later."

  
Willow and Amity come over.

  
"Gus, hand me the green noodle." Willow reaches over and Gus gives her the foam stick he was holding.

  
"...I wanted the green noodle." Amity grumbles.

  
"Guess you aren't as fast as you thought?" Willow teasingly pokes Amity with the noodle.

  
"You are _so_ on, also I'm taking the shark." Amity grabs a slightly more intimidating balloon.

  
Me and Gus sat on the edge of the pool as Amity and Willow readied their foam sticks and false mounts.

  
"In this corner on the shark, star student and former captain of the football team Amity Blight!" Gus gestured in an exaggerated manner. "And in this corner atop a dolphin, head of the botanical club and co-president of the Paranormal Junior Investigators Society is Willow Park! I want to see a nice clean match, no aiming for the face and no grabbing the other person's mount or weapon. Last one to fall into the pool wins, go!"

  
Amity kicked her legs in the water to slowly drift in Willow's general direction, although moving in a straight line seemed difficult, meanwhile Willow tried to remain steady on the oddly-shaped dolphin, it's mid-jump pose poorly designed for balance. Gus hums dramatic music.

  
Eventually Amity gets close enough to swing her "weapon" but Willow flails he noodle back and managed to block it. It seems rather informal for a duel, from what I've learned from the internet the proper venue for human sword fighting is an arena called Denny's parking lot. It's still entertaining though.

  
"And so the two brave knights fight valiantly over the fair lady Luz!" Gus dramatically proclaims.

  
"What?" Amity turned around so fast her shark began to tip over. She reaches out and grabs Willow's arm causing her to yelp before she falls and they both hit the water at the same time. They come back up a moment later sputtering and red. I assume they're angry over the way the joust ended. Willow glared at Amity before a smile slowly crossed her face and she splashed water at Amity, who seemed caught off-guard before grinning back and splashing playfully back at Willow.

  
"So who won?" I ask Gus.

  
"I think you did." Then he yelps as Willow grabs his leg and pulls him into the pool.

  
"Oh, I see." I was the last person to fall into the pool so I won. It makes the other aspects of the game kinda pointless but I suppose humans aren't exactly straightforward in anything they do. I hop into the pool too and enjoy the cool rush of water sweeping over me.


	23. An alien learns about Adolescent One-upmanship

"Where did she go? Luz knows how to swim right?" Amity's concerned tone is the first thing I hear as I surface right behind her.

  
"Better than you can I'm sure." I poke her in the back, causing her to make a very amusing high-pitched noise that I'd like to hear more of forever.

  
Amity clears her throat. "Is that a challenge?"

  
"I wouldn't say no to some adolescent one-upmanship."

  
"Well I... also wouldn't say no to that?"

  
"Hey Willow, Gus, you guys want to join the race? You three can compete for second place!"

  
Gus made an _ooooo_ noise, I don't know how to interpret it. Willow laughs and pats me on the back. "You got this Luz, we'll just watch." Willow's encouragement and Gus's noise further my confidence.

  
Amity however is not short on confidence herself. "You are going down!"

  
"You'll be the one that has to go down, into the water, to dive under me when I swim circles around you, to avoid bumping into me." I clarify.

  
"...Your trash-talking is kinda hit-or-miss."

  
"The comment about second place wasn't a verbal trashing, it's just unlikely you'd beat me."

  
"We'll see then won't we?" Amity is very close to my face. I suddenly have a feeling of nervousness, which is odd because I'm still certain of winning. Amity starts swimming to the end of the pool and the nervousness ceases, weird. "You coming Luz?"

  
I realize I haven moved yet. "Right! I am on my way." I swim over.

  
We agree to swim across the pool then back to the starting point, Willow and Gus sit on the edge of the pool to spectate and judge. Gus counts backwards from three and we take off.

  
I smoothly glide through the water, Amity's human swimming method however seems very splashy and I keep glancing back to make sure she isn't drowning but it seems like that's just how humans swim. I soon hit the far wall of the pool and head back to the start.

  
As I return to the starting point (with Amity still having half the pool's length to go despite me constantly slowing down to check on her, not that I noticed how absurdly better I am at swimming) I notice Willow looks concerned.

  
Willow looks around before leaning in to speak quietly. "Luz, humans don't swim like that."

  
I glance back at the haphazard splashing that somehow propels Amity forward. "I see..." I actually _did_ see this time. "How strange was it by human standards?"

  
"You wiggle side-to-side like a snake, it was really cool." Gus was excited and did not seem to share Willow's concern.

  
Willow sighs. "I don't think anyone saw it, from the water it'd be hard to see if someone is swimming weird."

  
" _I'm_ swimming weird? I spent most of my life in the water, I don't think you guys even qualify as semi-aquatic. I can't even see properly underwater with these eyes." Without waiting for a response I dunk my head under with my eyes open and come back up. "Yep, that's pretty blurry and my eyes are burning somewhat, that's not normal."

  
"Yeah that's the chlorine, you okay?" Willow gently tilts my head up to inspect my eyes, very closely.

  
Huh, the mysterious nervous feeling is back, maybe it's something I ate? Eda did tell me several times not to eat something that I was in the process of eating. Willow looks concerned and I realize I didn't answer yet, also she is still holding my face. I pull away reluctantly. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine, I healed it up already. Why does Earth water have so much chlorine?"

  
"It's mostly just pools, to keep them clean and keep stuff from growing in it." Gus explains.

  
"So that's on purpose? You make a body of water uninhabitable then inhabit it?" Humans are just full of bizarre and terrible ideas that somehow work for them.

  
Sort of work for them.

  
They pretend it works for them.

  
We quiet down as Amity's splashing comes up behind me. I wait for a few seconds as Amity approaches until she grabs the pool's wall, loudly intaking air.

  
"Wow... That was just... you're very fast... gimee a sec... to catch my breath..."

  
I'm not sure why catching breath is difficult, the air isn't moving all that much right now, although maybe she's too tired to catch the slow-moving air? Unless this is another figurative thing.

  
"If you're tired we can do something else." I suggest.

  
"How are you not tired?" Amity gasps out.

  
"Oh I am a perfectly normal amount of tired." I lied. "You're probably just more tired because of the joust with Willow before."

  
"Right! I totally would have won if I wasn't still tired from that."

  
"Yeah maybe."

  
She would not have.

  
\---

  
As we start to leave the pool I hear a voice call out.

  
"Hey kid!"

  
I look up at a human in a very tall chair.

  
One that gives him a clear vantage point to see the entire pool.

  
This _may_ be a problem.

  
"Your swimming method was kind of different from the usual swimming strokes."

  
 _This may be a problem_.

  
"Reminds me of something I saw on TV once about mermaid performers, cool stuff."

  
I laugh nervously. "Yeah TV is certainly full of cool stuff."

  
"I know right? Anyway you-No running by the pool!- Sorry, nothing gets past lifeguard Steve! I deserve a headpat for my vigilance." He pats himself on the shoulder, I don't understand human biology well enough to comment but I suspect that isn't right. "Anyway you kids have a good day."

  
"Thank you." I walk quickly past him.

  
That was a little weird, but humans do many strange things all the time like cutting the plants near their dwellings to a uniform length, putting lightweight armor on their feet while the rest of their clothes seem to only be an aesthetic choice, and... whatever that vehicle over there is doing? It seems to be a van playing music surrounded by children.

  
"What's that?"

  
\---

  
"This is the best thing ever." This isn't the first time I've used this expression on Earth and it probably won't be the last, but this flavorful facsimile of frozen goodness surpasses even cotton candy and the toaster in terms of this planet's wonders.

  
"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you haven't had ice-cream yet." Amity seems mildly amused.

  
"Words alone could never convey all my feelings." I shove the entire thing into my mouth.

  
"Don't eat it too fast or... Luz did you just eat the stick?" Amity seems mildly concerned.

  
"Maybe."

  
"Are you okay?"

  
"Aside for the absence of ice-cream I'd say yes."

  
"She'll be fine. Wood can't be digested by humans but if it's not something sharp like a toothpick it should pass through harmlessly." Willow explains.

  
"You just know that off-hand?" One of Amity's eyebrows move up.

  
"I've been friends with Luz _slightly_ longer than you, these things come up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped a couple updates for the holidays, not that I had any big plans that would impede my writing but Stardew Valley just had an update so I can finally put the chicken statue in the chicken coop, before it was strictly indoor furniture. You can see why this has kept me busy. Also watched a Doctor Who marathon, love those hangry shadows and that lesbian reptile detective who's names I keep mixing up. Also got out my dear childhood fear Douglas Fir the singing Christmas tree, his eyes are stuck open but he still functions just fine despite being a robot in his mid-twenties because time can't kill the devil.


	24. An alien learns about Corn

The four of us end the day by lying in the grass and looking at stars, Amity points out constellations. For a species that barely leaves it's planet humans are pretty good at star mapping, apparently they can use stars to navigate their own planet's surface. I think their natural navigation instincts may be faulty though considering they need signs to label locations down to the individual house so perhaps this is just another one of their weird ideas that only work for them.

  
Amity turns her head towards Gus. "Are you guys still doing that alien hunting thing? I haven't heard sirens in a while."

  
Gus scoffs. "Not every attempt ends in disastrous failure."

  
"So it's just been regular failure lately?"

  
Gus sits up to glare at Amity. "No! I haven't failed at all actually!"

  
I 'shoot Gus a look' as humans say, a _negative_ look, and he clears his throat.

  
"I mean... I haven't gone looking for aliens for a few days is all since meeting Luz and all." Gus rubbed the back of his neck.

  
Amity tilted her head to the side. "What does Luz have to do with that?"

  
"Nothing!" Gus said in a slightly high pitch, then he cleared his throat and spoke in a deeper tone. "I mean I've just been busy, hanging out with Luz. Ya know, cause Luz is fun to hang out with, it has nothing to do with aliens."

  
"Right... Well as long as you aren't dragging Luz off to trespass on some crazy farmer's land to look for pretend aliens."

  
"Aliens aren't pretend!" Gus argued.

  
I stare at Amity for a moment. "Do you really believe that humans... that _we_ are alone in the universe?"

  
If Amity noticed my slip-up she didn't react to it. "I don't really know but I'm trying to outgrow this alien hunting thing." She sighs and stares off into the distance. "My parents would prefer that I hang out at Starbucks or the mall instead of trespassing in a cornfield looking for aliens like a lunatic... No offense Gus."

  
"I'm only crazy if aliens aren't real." Gus protests.

  
Amity scoffs. "If they are real they probably don't communicate through corn."

  
"Why not? The corn is all ears!" Gus grins at his own strange comment.

  
I believe the look Amity gave was disgust, Eda had a similar expression when she took a bar of green human candy from me. "If aliens are listening they probably just turned around and went home."

  
"Why would a vegetable be measured in ears? Feet is a weird enough body part to measure things but at least that has some connection to distance." I ponder.

  
"I... don't know actually. Willow?" Amity asks.

  
"I don't know either."

  
"But aren't plants your thing?"

  
"I don't grow corn in the botanical club, you can't expect me to know the entire history of every plant that exists."

  
"Fair enough." Amity concedes.

  
"Why not measure corn in tongues? Or teeth?" I interject.

  
"Corn does look more like teeth." Gus agrees.

  
"That's a fairly unsettling idea." Amity says.

  
"More than ears?" Willow asks.

  
Amity considers this a moment. "A field of teeth would almost definitely be worse than a field of ears."

  
"What about a planet of teeth?" I add.

  
"What?" Amity asks.

  
"What?" I echo.

  
\---

  
"I'll walk you home Luz." Willow offers.

  
"You don't have to do that, I can walk Luz home." Amity offers more intently.

  
"I know I don't have to but I _want_ to, don't you have a curfew?" Willow grabs my arm.

  
"I can make my curfew, I'm plenty athletic." Amity grabs my other arm.

  
"You lost two different pool games."

  
"I didn't lose the first, I was just distracted by Gus! And I only lost the second because I was tired."

  
I'm not entirely sure why an argument is occurring here but I decide to interrupt. "If you're trying to maximize time spent with me before the day is finished I could walk both of you home."

  
They both go quiet for a moment before letting go of my arms.

  
"Yeah sure..." Amity mutters, crossing her arms.

  
"That's fine." Willow quietly added.

  
\---

  
"Thanks for walking me home Luz."

  
Willow takes my hand and gives a soft squeeze before heading inside, I stare at my hand for a moment.

  
"Are you coming Luz?" Amity sounds annoyed, probably because she's in a hurry to get home and I'm staring at my hand for some reason. My behavior has been weird lately but maybe that's just because my life in general is currently weird.

  
I stop looking at my hand and remember Amity is in a hurry. "Yes. Should we run to make your curfew?"

  
"No, no I think we can take our time." Amity dismisses the idea quickly. I guess she's not in a hurry?

  
"Are you sure?"

  
"Yes."

  
\---

  
"What would you even do if you found an alien Amity?" I ask as we walk very close together to avoid being separated. It's after dark so being this close is perfectly sensible.

  
"What?"

  
"If you used to look for aliens I assume you had a plan for an encounter."

  
Amity rubs the back of her neck. "It's kinda stupid."

  
"Come on, I really want to know." I insist.

  
"I just... I kinda want to make friends?" Amity rubbed her arm and looked down. "They wouldn't have any strong opinions about me being rich since they'd have no concept of Earth money, they probably wouldn't care about me being good at sports or top of my classes. They'd have nothing but my personality to judge, even if that doesn't turn out well I'd at least know for certain that they're unbiased. Sometimes it just feels like everyone has a filter."

  
"...Well _I_ don't have a filter." I offer. "I think Eda's coffee machine has a filter but I've been banned from coffee so I currently do not even have access to a filter."

  
Amity pauses to look at me for a moment before bursting out laughing. "You really don't do you?" She wipes a tear from her eye. "Thanks Luz, I needed that."

  
"I'm not sure what I did but you are welcome." I come to a stop as we reach Amity's home. "Well we're here."

  
Amity hesitates. "Luz?"

  
"Yes?"

  
"I... Well that is to say... I just..." She makes several attempts at a sentence. "You... You're a great pal! Okay goodnight!" She said loudly and quickly walking away before I can respond, quietly muttering _'Did I just call her pal?'_ before tripping, getting up, brushing herself off, glancing back to see me still here, then turning red and hurrying inside.

  
Huh, for someone claiming to be athletic that was adorably clumsy. Not that I think Amity is adorable, just her actions and personality and face. I quickly head home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luz has better hearing than a human, whenever someone quietly talks to themselves or others Luz hears them just fine, and proceeds to not understand what it's about anyway.


	25. Wrath learns absolutely Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Montage 3: Other People Exist
> 
> Granted each section might be a little long for it to be a true montage but it is definitely a lot of scenes happening in one chapter.

**Lab test #387:flour initiated.**

  
Flour is shot in the direction where this thing should be, where it _is_ , I know it's right in front of me. For a moment I can almost make out the shape in the fog of crushed plant matter.

  
Then a breeze blows it away the cloud of flour before it can settle.

  
We're inside, there shouldn't be any wind.

  
This stupidly smart alien spacecraft doesn't just make itself invisible, it actively defends itself from any attempts to change that, paint won't coat the surface, laser pointers go right through it, even those stupid gold star stickers Steve keeps in his desk for self-encouragement won't stick to it.

  
"You can't keep your secrets forever." I brush some flour off me and turn to leave.

  
Only to bang my nose on something invisible.

  
"Mother-fiddlesticks." I reach out in front of me to find what I hit only to find nothing there. I don't know if there's a panel or something that opened and shut or if this thing changes shape, considering I don't know what shape it's _supposed_ to be anything's a fair guess.

  
"Fiddlesticks? Really?" An unwanted voice comes from behind me.

  
"Wrath, if you want to watch these tests there's an observation room right over there, you do _not_ interrupt tests." I keep my eyes on my clipboard in the hopes he can take a hint.

  
"My job is security, if this thing is attacking you I get to deal with it. Plus it just got flour all over me, I'll have to go home for a shower and change." He complains as if it isn't his own damn fault.

  
"What are you gonna do punch the spacecraft?" I say in complete exasperation.

  
"Maybe..."

  
"I'm not in the mood to babysit you right now, go out and find that alien _you_ lost."

  
"Excuse me?"

  
"You heard me." I finally look up from my clipboard to glower at him. "Wrath, I don't know what you did to scare off my alien but if we don't get her back I'm not letting you drag me down with you!"

  
"You're the one that left the door open for it to escape, maybe if you weren't so soft on that _thing_ it wouldn't have gotten outside." He turns to storm off like a petulant child. "When we get it back I'm putting a shock collar on it."

  
"It was easier when it didn't try to escape at all, you're only making this harder for everyone!" I call after him. I look back at my clipboard to see the next test. Unleashing a swarm of bees to get a better idea of the shape by the empty space they can't fly in? I'm gonna need better safety gear for when this thing blows a swarm of bees in my face.

  
"Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back." I jokingly pat the invisible wall next to me.

  
As I leave I swear I hear a shrill voice say "Okay!" but a quick look around proves I'm still alone, the observation room is still empty too.

  
"I should... take a little break before the bee test." I can't help feeling like maybe _I'm_ being observed here.

  
\---

  
I take a long slow sip of my coffee and pretend I don't see that idiot outside my window. Either he's getting bolder or he really thinks I don't see him, either way I have a solution. I calmly make my way to the breakroom fridge and grab the jar labeled "Not Pickles" in the back. A quick glance at the cot confirms King is still asleep and not in danger of being spotted, and Luz is already out with friends so no danger for her either. I make my way upstairs, quietly open a window right over him, hold my breath, and pour.

  
"Glehugh! What is this this?!" Wrath hacks and gags a few times. "Oh god it's in my mouth!"

  
I can't help but laugh hysterically, then gag from accidently breathing in. Oh that is just _vile_ , and _exactly_ what I needed to scare him off for a while. I don't actually remember what's really in this jar but age made it worse whatever it is. I'm gonna have to hose off the sidewalk but that was _so_ worth it.

  
I wash off my hands, which somehow stink despite not getting a drop on me, it _may_ have eaten through the glass. I pour myself some more coffee and head outside to start hosing down the- _gack_ -hosing down the sidewalk. Is that a rodent skeleton? It looks a bit melted, I didn't think bones melted. Oof, I almost feel bad for Wrath.

  
'Almost' meaning 'not in the slightest and I'd do it again without hesitation' but still...

  
I spot Luz running around with her friends, or _she's_ running around and the others are getting dragged along by their arms. Heh, you'd never guess she wasn't a normal kid. She's attempting to climb a street light now. I sip my coffee, perfectly normal.

  
My leg's itchy, you aren't even here why are you itchy?

  
I head back inside to see King on the old laptop. "Hey Eda, can I have your credit card for something?"

  
This oughta be good. "What _exactly_ do you need it for?"

  
"Some lady in Scotland is dying and she wants to give me all her money, but she needs my credit card first."

  
"That's a scam King, they want to steal _your_ money."

  
"Don't be silly, why would a dying widow with no heirs need money?"

  
I might need more coffee for this one. I put on another pot and explain scams to a jackalope, making a mental note to hide my credits cards.

  
My life has gotten weird, I don't mind it.

  
\---

  
The summonor stared in awe of the summoning circle as their new familiar, a powerful companion destined to guide them to their great destiny, stepped out for the first time to reveal... a piece of broccoli. The confused wizard gaped at the strange form the magical entity before them has taken. "Why this?"

  
I hit the backspace.

  
"wot in tarnation?"

  
Backspace.

  
"Wherefore art thou broccoli?"

  
Am I using gaped right? I look it up. Yep, I used it right. I misspelled summoner, this paragraph is terrible. I delete the whole thing. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes with a sigh.

  
I'm vaguely aware of Dad coming back and... running straight to the shower? Coulda sworn he already did that today. His germaphobia must be acting up.

  
Then my eyes shoot back open as it hits me. What if instead of broccoli it was garlic and it saves the summoner from vampires and finally earns their respect after a long hard trial of not being taken seriously? Wait, what if the summoner mistakes it for an onion at first and it's revealed to actually be garlic later as a plot twist? Wait, what if there was an angst moment when the garlic gets hurt and the summoner cried but afterwards blames it on cut onion fumes but it wasn't actually because it's not an onion? What if the garlic teases them about it later? What if when they finally kiss there's a joke about having garlic breath? It's perfect!

  
I stare blankly at the empty Word document for a moment. Damn, I still have to actually write it. Wait... Is a romance between a garlic and a human weird? Mmmm-nah, should be fine in my opinion. I wonder if I could make a pun of onion and opinion, onionion? I'll type that in and try to fit in in later.

  
Well that's some solid progress. I save the document containing the word 'onionion' and nothing else then binge some Youtube videos about deteriorating animatronics in abandoned themeparks.

  
I can feel a shadow over me, weird considering he isn't standing in front of the lamp. "I want my chair."

  
The downside of working in the living room, petty bullshit. I roll my eyes and move over to the couch, which he could have done just as easily.

  
He sits down and sighs. I ignore him. He sighs louder. Nothing good can come from asking, he'll just complain and dwell on things that put him in a bad mood and it will, you guessed it, put him in a bad mood. He just sighs louder still.

  
"If you're in a bad mood maybe some light reading will help? I have a nice oneshot I just-"

  
"I'm not in the mood for your-!" He cuts himself off mid-yell. I think I might have flinched a little.

  
He sighs. "I need to head out again. Here." He puts some money on the table. "For pizza or whatever you feel like, I don't expect to be back for dinner."

  
"...Okay, thanks." I watch him leave. I take my laptop to my room, I don't want anymore distractions.

  
\---

  
I chalk up a pool cue, I don't really play much but I want to do something to occupy myself as I wait with a bunch of very upset guys waiting for a certain farmboy to show. There are worse ways to spend an afternoon.

  
Nevareth walked into the room, took one look at everyone gathered around the pool table and immediately tried to turn on his heels and leave.

  
I grab the back of his collar. "Not so fast!"

  
"Never thought you'd find all your 'boyfriends' in one room huh Nevareth?" One of the guys starts in, setting of a chain of yelling.

  
"What are you looking at me for? You think I'm gonna come to your rescue?"

  
"For once I'm at a loss for words..."

  
"We all know the truth now! And we're not gonna tolerate this!" That brown haired one has some bite, can't fault Nev for having good taste.

  
"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"

  
"I can explain?"

  
We threw his dumbass out. Well that was satisfying, a bit of a bummer though. I didn't think of my thing with Nev as being too serious but you still gotta tell people if you want an open thing. Brown hair slouching on a bar stool over there looks especially sad about this.

  
I sit next to him at the bar. "Sheesh that was a mess wasn't it? Want to vent a little with me over a drink?"

  
"I'm not actually old enough to drink."

  
"Me either, I was thinking a couple virgin apple bloods would be nice though?" I give my most charming smile and coolly lean against the bar counter. It's wet and sticky, I look at my damp sleeve and grimace.

  
He laughs and passes me a napkin, I gratefully take it an blot the spot as best I can. He unslouches a little and clears his throat. "I'm Jerbo."

  
"Edric."

  
\---

  
What went wrong in my life? I'm sitting at a bar, nursing a drink and my wounded ego.

  
Some teens are having petty drama very loudly. Part of me wants to yell at them but I don't want to get kicked out before I've even finished my... fourth drink? Eighth? Can't quite count the glasses in front of me when they keep doubling.

  
I wonder how much of this misery is self-inflicted. It can't all be me, probably.

  
I pull out my phone and log in to Boilingmail to check my emails. Aren't I popular? I have not one but _two_ emails from Lilith telling me to get off my ass and find the aliens. I check my spam in case something important slipped though.

  
'im jan old humianu lady ffrom scotland, i jhave so much money.o9 it c ould be yours if yuou give gme you're credit card number  
love the kingg of all scottlamnd  
ps donjt check yoyr crwedt crd vchargeds fort tyhe next few weeeks after, foer swecurityyu reasonsd.'

  
I delete it without a second thought, and I clear my trash for good measure. I get back to my sulking. Yeah, it's probably just the rest of the world being idiots that led me here, that scam email was especially atrocious, it's like a rat ran across the keyboard... My glass shatters in my hand, did that spammer call themselves a King? Like that stupid little rat parasite always did? The bartender is less than sympathetic about my little crisis and has me forcefully escorted out before I can break more glasses.

  
God freakin damnit they threw me into a puddle of vomit, I'm gonna have to go home and shower.

  
\---

  
"Clean this place up, it smells like shit!" My 3rd least favorite boss slams the stable door, spooking the pony, helpful. I wonder why a stable would smell like shit? Real mystery there.

  
I pet Rose's nose until she calms down. She rubs her head against me, I'd like to think it's affection but she might just be scratching herself. I grab a pitchfork and start shoveling.

  
I hear the door open and shut. I wait a moment but no yelling occurs. The smell of cheap beer is somehow noticeable over the normal smell of a stable. That'd be impressive if it wasn't deeply concerning.

  
I try not to make any sudden moves. "If you're a burglar I suggest literally anywhere else, gettin' into a fight with someone carrying a pitchfork smeared in manure is the fast track to tetanus."

  
"Cain." Oh good, it's my least favorite boss. Too bad I missed my chance to make it look like an accident. Maybe next time he bothers me.

  
"Yain't supposed to bother other Empyrean workers on their civilian jobs Wrath, go away."

  
He punches the wall, spooking Rose again. Belligerent _and_ drunk, what a delight. And he wonders why he's still single. "I need information on that lead of yours."

  
"Look Wrath, I already told Kikimora the lead was a dead end. I thought I saw some kid's scrapped knee glow but it might have just been the sun catching on some blood, I didn't get a good look. Kiki can sort out which leads are important and which ones are better left to the tabloids."

  
"Why didn't you follow up?" Captain Pain-in-the-ass demanded.

  
"I'm a janitor not some stealth-trained secret agent, I got spotted and I backed off. I don't want to get arrested and have to explain to the cops that I stalked a teenager because I thought she was a martian. Besides she seemed to have plenty of friends so either that alien fits in real well and got super popular by her third day out or it was a normal kid." I shrug. "It ain't my problem anyway, I can work as a janitor anywhere so if EC shuts down it's no skin off _my_ teeth." Wait, did I use that right? I don't think I used that right.

  
"Now listen here you little-oof!" Whatever Wrath was about to say got cut off, I turn around to see him clutching his side as he fell over.

  
"You shouldn't walk behind a horse Wrath, even a little one like Rose, it's common sense." If it was anyone else I'd feel bad but anyone else wouldn't bother me while I shovel poop.

  
Wrath groaned from the dirty stable floor while I set my pitchfork down and pulled Rose out of kicking range. "You should go home and shower, or go to the hospital. Whatever you can afford."

  
"I'll go home and shower."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gus: Climb climb climb!  
> Amity: What if Luz falls? And I have to carry her to the hospital... gently cradled protectively in my arms as I take her to safety...  
> Willow: Try not to faint before that, I'll be stuck carrying both of you.  
> Amity:*thinking about being carried by Willow* Y-yeah... Wouldn't want to be gently cradled protectively in your arms...  
> Willow: I was thinking more of a 'sack of potatoes' carry
> 
> Fun fact, I typed King's spam letter with my mouse hand puppet to better convey how his awkward jackalope body would type. Also it's based on my favorite scam letter in my collection of scam letters, I get them over the work fax. Sometimes scammers accidently send the template without filling in the names properly like 'Dear [mf:Firstname]', but this one just went with 'Dearest Beloved' to avoid such problems and only got better. I hate scammers but love this nonsense they come up with, 'I was diagnosed with cancer seven years ago and now I only have a few days to live so I decided just now to send all my money to a stranger, behind my doctors back, because there's so much Covid-19 in Oceania.'???
> 
> I literally brought Nevareth back just to make a Stardew Valley reference and kick him out again.
> 
> Also Janitor Cain's reveal as the fair worker! If you read my other fic you may have noticed Janitor Cain tended to a trash slug named Rose, like the pony in the fair chapter, but if you only read this fic I also made more subtle foreshadowing hints. Janitor Cain in their first appearance is emphasized to be unrecognizable with their face mask, they mention they've had better jobs during the brief chat, then as a pony keeper hesitating to leave before Willow managed to shoo them off, and the use of they/them pronouns in all appearances including when they followed Luz directly after the fair.
> 
> Anyway I may skip next week's update, possibly more. I have to untangle some plot points I have planned and figure out what I'm doing in what order.


End file.
